


Never The Same Love

by EightLeggedFox



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, overgrown-puppy-daniel, tired-millenial-jihoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightLeggedFox/pseuds/EightLeggedFox
Summary: Breakups are hard and shitty, and Jihoon thinks it's just plain wrong and unfair how he always gets the short end of the stick. It's probably the stupidest decision he ever makes, but maybe Daniel can help make things right.
Relationships: Kang Daniel/Park Jihoon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	Never The Same Love

**Author's Note:**

> Let me get ahead of everyone and start off by saying that yes—I'm still here. And yes—I can't believe it either lol.

Jihoon bites down on his lower lip— _ hard— _ trying to use the sensation of self-inflicted pain to tune out the noise that’s coming at him in the form of loud club music blaring from all directions on the wall-mounted speakers, and the sound of his friend’s husky and excited voice whisper-shouting right next to him. He doesn’t know which one is currently giving him an increasing level of headache, so he attributes it to both.

“C’mon Hoonie! You haven’t even looked at the guy yet,” his friend says rather exasperatedly. Jihoon has half a mind to remind him who does and does  _ not _ have the right to be feeling exasperated here.

“Who says I even want to?” He grumbles, swishing the glass he’s holding and watching the golden liquid slosh around its transparent cage.

“I brought you out here so you could get laid. How in the world is that going to happen when all you’ve done since we got here is sit and stare into your glass like that? You’re not even drinking!”

He scoffs at the comment, rolling his eyes in the process. Jihoon knows that  _ Daniel _ is well aware of his level of interest (or lack thereof) when it comes to alcohol, just as much as he knows that a club full of people enjoying their Friday night isn’t exactly his kind of scene either. He wonders for a second why he’s even allowed himself to get dragged here in the first place and—well, the thought only lasts a second because he remembers exactly why in the next.

“How are you even sure that the guy is interested in me?” He asks the glass in his hand, still not daring to look up.

“I think the proper question is, who  _ isn’t  _ interested in you?” Daniel says, and Jihoon can feel rather than see the smirk he probably has on when he does. “People have been doing double-takes and whispering and pointing in our direction for the past hour. And while I’d gladly take the blame for that any day—” Jihoon finally looks up at that, if only to throw him a scowl. “—I think it’s all you tonight. I mean look at you!”

He doesn’t need to be told twice, although he has to admit that it  _ does _ boost his ego a bit. At twenty-three years old, Jihoon knows what he looks like and most importantly, what he looks like to other people. He knows how to pull out all the stops like he’s so expertly done so tonight (if he may be allowed to toot his own horn) and he knows the effect it has. Despite his face feeling a little fake with all the BB cream he has on and his brown hair feeling stiff and heavy with its meticulously styled up-do, he doesn’t doubt Daniel’s words of encouragement even if it is just for his sake. 

“And besides, the dude I’m telling you about is totally on the hot meter,” Daniel continues, speaking over his silence. “ _ —and _ , he’s been staring at you for the past ten minutes now! Like, full-on eye glue! You’d notice it too if you weren’t so focused on having a staring contest with your beer.”

Jihoon sighs, closing his eyes for a few seconds before he finally relents. He turns his head to the side over to where Daniel’s been so unsubtle in his pointing and sure enough, there’s a guy sitting on one of the bar stools from across the room and staring at their direction. At him.

And Daniel’s right—the guy  _ is _ hot. Besides the fact that his clothes are doing a pretty terrible job at concealing all the curves and bulges that is his body’s silhouette, the guy’s hair is cropped short and clean just above his sculpted face that holds a pair of deep set eyes that’s literally boring into Jihoon’s soul. He looks away for a moment, feeling flustered by the stare alone. When he turns to look again for a second time, hot-bulgy guy is still staring.

“Told ya.” Daniel sneers from beside him, watching him gulp.

"I can't do it."

He sees Daniel crossing his arms, cocking his head to one side in disbelief. "Come on Hoonie. You got this."

Jihoon knows he's got this. But whether he  _ wants  _ it or not is another question entirely that he's not so keen on voicing out. So instead he goes with, "What do I even say?"

"Just go over there, bat your pretty eyes and say hi. Be yourself!" Daniel smiles at him, his hand landing a pat on his shoulder. "Or, maybe not too- _ too  _ yourself. Wouldn't want to scare the guy away—ow!"

Jihoon tries not to gloat too much in watching Daniel rub his punched bicep, and he takes a deep breath instead to gather some confidence. He nods to himself, reiterating in his head the reminder of why he's even here tonight before tipping his glass of beer to chug down as much alcohol as he can. He only ends up gulping a measly three times before the sting of the drink hurts his throat though, but he pays it no mind as he passes his still hefty glass to his overzealous friend.

"Hold my beer," he says, before propelling himself off their table in a show of mock courage. He  _ really _ doesn't want to do this, but it's the kind of thing that’s better to just get it over with rather than sit and think it through. 

So he makes his way across the dancefloor, carefully maneuvering himself in and between the throngs of people moving with the music all around him while he keeps his target in sight. He’s only a few more steps away, and he can see that hot-bulgy guy is still staring at his direction.

“Hi,” he says when he reaches him, flashing what he thinks can pass off as a friendly-yet-flirty-enough-for-you-to-fuck kind of smile. The guy just turns his head up to look at him, face stoic and blank.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to do next and he feels his fake confidence wisping away in place of his natural, in-born, introverted awkwardness. A hand flies up to scratch at the top of his head in an unnoticeable habit as he tries out for more words.

“Umm, I couldn’t help but notice you looking earlier,” he says, pitching his voice a little louder in case the guy can’t hear him very well. It echoes back in his own head, lacing poisonous doubt in his thoughts. Did he sound too presumptuous just now? Too forward? Oh god—is the burrito he had earlier wafting out of his breath? He panics a little and turns back to look at their table again where Daniel is over-enthusiastically giving him a two thumbs up, mouthing ‘you got this’. Jihoon sucks in a breath, facing the stranger again,

“M-my name’s Jihoon. I—”

It happens without any preamble whatsoever, when all too suddenly hot-bulgy guy wakes up from his statue-like stance and breaks his solid staring. Jihoon feels a hard and heavy hand grip his wrist as the guy suddenly leans his weight forward on him and begins  _ retching  _ out the contents of his stomach all over the front of his body. He feels the warm liquid—and not-so-liquid—things travel all the way down his pants and to his shoes in a waterfall of breakfast, lunch, and semi-digested booze.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” Another man, presumably hot-bulgy guy’s friend, comes to a tardy rescue and tries prying his mess of a companion away from Jihoon while at the same time  _ attempting _ (and failing, really) to wipe some of the puke off his shirt. And is that a chunk of corn he sees on the floor?

“I’m so sorry, shit! My friend’s gotten a little too much to drink and—” 

But Jihoon’s already tuning it out, not listening to what the other party has to say. He turns his head slightly to where Daniel is still rooted on the spot and witnessing the entire mess. Only difference now is that his eyes are blown comically wide and two of his hands are tangled up in his hair while his jaw hangs to the floor. And in that moment, despite Jihoon feeling sticky and literally smelling like some random stranger’s guts—he smiles and saves his friend’s undiluted expression of shock from across the room inside his mind, keeping the memory for himself.

  
  
  
  
  


To say that things didn't go the way he expected tonight would be a bit of a stretch. After all, this was all Daniel's idea, and Jihoon more or less didn't think much about any of the possible outcomes of whether he'd land himself in a stranger's bed tonight anyway.

But never in his wildest dreams did he ever envision that he'll end up spending the majority of his Friday night sitting on the floor of the balcony inside Daniel's apartment, scrubbing his shoes clean from vomit with an old toothbrush.

"Okay, I got most of the stains out." He hears his friend from inside, a few seconds before he walks out to the balcony with his damp clothes in hand. "But it still kinda smells of whatever it is that guy probably had for lunch. I'll just put it in the wash tomorrow."

"That's okay. Just put it in a bag. I can wash it myself."

"It's no trouble Hoonie," Daniel quips back, and Jihoon isn't looking but he can already visualize the kind of face he has on. "I'll wash it for you—"

"I'm perfectly capable of running a washing machine for my own clothes, hyung. Just leave it in a bag." He doesn't mean to sound too stern, but he doesn't care if he does either. Daniel thankfully doesn't answer back anymore, opting to take a spot beside him on the floor instead.

"Are you mad?" He asks as he grabs a second toothbrush from the small bucket they have, along with the right-foot of the pair of his shoes. 

Jihoon looks up from his task at that, regarding Daniel's expression. He looks concerned, even  _ worried _ , of what he's probably feeling about tonight's most recent events. He remembers this kind of look, the puppy-glazed eyes that are filled with shame whenever he feels like he's done something wrong.

"No," Jihoon says, turning his lip up slightly and shaking his head. Daniel visibly relaxes, his own smile not too far behind right before he barks out a booming laugh; the breathy kind that sounds stifled and cut-off with every chuckle he lets out.

"Ya! You think you're funny? You think it's funny that I got puked on?!" Jihoon feels his lip doing an automatic pout, which only succeeds in creasing Daniel's face more and turning his eyes into crescents. 

"You should've seen your face," Daniel says, or rather tries to say amidst his breathless laughter. "Oh my god, and the amount of puke that came out of the guy. I can't, I can't!"

Jihoon thinks he shouldn't be held accountable when he throws a playful punch hard enough to knock Daniel off his ass and on the floor. Although he still worries for a split second if he's gone too far, the guilt ultimately washes away when he sees that his friend still hasn't stopped laughing. He smiles—Daniel could always take his punches.

"You should've seen  _ your _ face," Jihoon mumbles under his breath, mostly to himself as he goes back to brushing his shoe.

"Oh god, my cheeks hurt." Daniel sits back up beside him, massaging his face off its smile. "Seriously though. I know we failed tonight but damn—that was  _ priceless _ ."

"So much for getting laid then." Jihoon sulks, although the extent of his genuinity in sulking is something he’s not going to express out loud. Daniel chuckles some more.

“The night’s still young. That can easily be fixed if you want it to.”

It takes an incredible amount of effort on Jihoon’s part not to react to that, but he’s proud to say that he succeeds. His hands don’t falter and he doesn’t stutter in the slightest, focusing all his energy instead into brushing away a nonexistent and particularly stubborn stain on his shoe. He doesn’t even allow himself to consider or think about  _ what the hell _ Daniel means by saying that and just scoffs at him.

“This is the last time I’m trusting your character judgment on potential hookups.”

“Okay, okay. I admit that tonight wasn’t exactly my best moment—”

“This is the third time we failed at getting a complete stranger to want to have sex with me. I think this is the universe telling me that it’s time to draw the line,” Jihoon says, his voice going down to the tone of self-pity. He hates it. “Maybe...maybe hooking up isn’t exactly the best way to go about doing this.”

“Well, you were the one who said you wanted to ‘hook up’, Hoonie. I was just following—”

“I know what I said.” Jihoon exhales in finality, sighing as he puts his shoe down to look Daniel in the eye. He’s glad to at least see that he’s being taken seriously. “Look, I appreciate you being supportive about it but listen to what I’m saying now.”

One of his favorite things about Daniel is that while he may be a laughing goofball who runs through life so lightheartedly in contrast to him eighty-percent of the time, Jihoon knows that he takes everything very seriously no matter how unimportant something may even seem. He can see it happening right now in fact, when his face is placated into this softer version of what he usually chooses to put up for everyone to see.

“Okay. No more hook up attempts.” Daniel nods, eyes carrying his understanding. “I was never completely on board with that idea, to be perfectly honest. The only reason I’m patronizing you is because you said you really wanted to.”

“You don’t always have to listen to me you know,” Jihoon says back, picking up his shoe again. “I’m not exactly an exemplary icon when it comes to making decisions either. I mean look at me—ow!”

Jihoon whips his head to catch Daniel with a flat smile, laughing through his nose over at successfully landing a backhanded slap on his exposed thigh. “I don’t wanna hear your pity-talk Hoonie, so don’t even start.”

He pouts, rubbing his skin. “I’m just telling the trut—oh fuck you!”

He shoves Daniel this time when he slaps him again, and he doesn’t know whether he likes it or is annoyed by the fact that all he does is laugh at him.

“Tell you what,” Daniel starts, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes. “Starting tomorrow, we’ll go about and do things  _ my  _ way.”

“Why does that sound more terrifying than exciting to me?”

“Oh, c’mon.” Daniel grins, nudging him with an elbow. “You’ll see that my plans are infinitely better than random stranger-sex."

"And what, pray tell, would those plans involve?"

With the smugness never leaving his face, Daniel just says, "I'm taking you to a cat cafe!” 

Jihoon can only blink. The innocence and unexpectedness of that statement surprisingly has him smiling and by the time he thinks to even hold it back and pretend to act cold again, Daniel’s already caught whiff and looking smug with victory.

“Stop smiling at me like that. I haven’t even said yes yet,” Jihoon says, hoping the flush of warmth he feels creeping up his neck isn’t too visible under the balcony porch-light.

“You aren’t saying no either.” Daniel grins, waving his toothbrush in front of him. Jihoon ignores this, along with the bright energy exuding off of his friend, the blush that just won’t come down his face, and the genuine wave of excitement he feels in his stomach.

It’s well past midnight when Jihoon packs up to leave Daniel’s apartment to head home, even though they had finished cleaning his shoes a good two hours prior. He blames it on the fried chicken Daniel had ordered along the night, and on the inescapable insistence that they finish the food first before he goes. He doesn’t need to think twice to consider the offer of free chicken, but the company he shares it with is undeniably a hard factor to say no to either.

“You’re more than welcome to stay the night, you know,” Daniel says at the door, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ve been told I have a really comfortable couch.”

Not wanting to delve into details, Jihoon just chuckles softly and shrugs his shoulders, picking up the paper bag containing his soiled clothes from the bar earlier. “Maybe next time.”

“At least let me drive you.”

“There is a perfectly functioning bus stop two blocks away from here. There’s no need, hyung.”

“Fine.” Daniel pouts, and Jihoon has to pretend to pick at some kind of invisible lint from his shirt to prevent himself from staring. Which then reminds him—

“Thanks for lending me your shirt. I’ll wash it and pass it back to you as soon as I can.”

Daniel narrows his eyes a bit, seemingly in thought. Jihoon counts a solid thirty seconds in his head before he gets a response.

“Keep it,” he says with soft certainty, nodding to his direction. “It looks good on you.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, if only to hide the real expression that wants to erupt out of him. “I have my own clothes, you know”

“I know.” Daniel merely nods again, his usual mirthful excitement unpresent. “Consider it as a gift then.”

Jihoon doesn't want to think much of it, but the way his heart is suddenly beating a tad faster and expelling some sort of warmth from his chest to the other parts of his body is something he can't ignore. He bites the inside of his cheek instead of pulling out another sarcastic remark about how gifting a used shirt is not really 'gifting' and just nods, eyes on the ground.

"I'll see you tomorrow hyung," he says in finality, rounding off the coldness of the statement with, "Goodnight."

"Night, Hoonie. Text me when you get home."

Another beat, another surge of warmth, but Jihoon already has one hand on the door and is ready to leave. It's only when he's left the floor, exited the lifts, walked out of the lobby, and has absolutely secured himself enough to actually be outside Daniel's apartment building that he allows himself the full extent of a smile.

  
  
  
  
  


It’s close to two-A.M. by the time Jihoon inserts his key to the front door of their apartment. After waiting a good half-hour for his bus and another half-hour to travel back home, he’s feeling tired and just slightly rueful that he didn’t take up Daniel on his offer to drive him home. He’s a little thankful, however, that he had at least agreed to eat at his place tonight because he definitely doesn’t want to be tired  _ and _ hungry right now.

The lights are off when he enters their six-hundred square foot apartment, but it’s not completely pitch black like he expects it to be because there’s a dim glow coming from the TV in their living room. He flicks a switch on, and he’s met with the sight of his roommate sitting and staring at him from the sofa.

“Woojin?” He calls out absentmindedly while he toes his shoes off. “You still awake?”

He only gets a rough-sounding hum in response, guttural in tone. And it’s not until he walks over and gets closer that he sees Woojin in his entirety—splayed out and slouched on their sofa, sitting stiff and staring wide-eyed at him while his hands are folded over one of their throw-pillows resting on his lap. Almost immediately, Jihoon feels a nerve popping.

“Oh come on!!”

“W-what?!”

“Are you for real?!”

"What!"

"On  _ our _ couch? Seriously?!"

"I don't know what you're talking ab—"

"I wasn't born yesterday Woojin! God!" Jihoon puts down the bag with his dirty clothes on their dining room chair. He needs a glass of water. 

"It's not what you think." Woojin calls over to him and even without looking, Jihoon's sure his best friend is grinning from ear to ear.

"You have your own bedroom for a reason, you know," Jihoon says coming out of the fridge, pouring himself a glass of ice-water with distaste on his face. "What if I walked in on you?"

"Then I'd ask you to help."

"Oh fuck you!"

Woojin barks out a laugh at that, lolling his head over the sofa's headrest in glee. "Sorry man, but I didn't think you'd be home 'til tomorrow."

"Still doesn't give you the right to soil our couch," Jihoon grumbles to himself, but loud enough to be heard.

"I wasn't going to  _ soil _ anything." Woojin's still laughing, turning on his seat to face him. "What are you doing home anyway? I thought you were going to spend the night fucking at some random-stranger’s place?"

Jihoon scrunches his nose in a grimace. "Can we  _ please _ not talk about sex while you’re hiding a boner under that pillow.”

“Says the one who just got laid. Nice shirt by the way.” Woojin points out, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows. “I don’t remember you owning that. Must’ve been a pretty big guy.”

“I didn’t fuck with  _ anyone  _ Woojin. It’s Daniel’s,” he says in exasperation, realizing his mistake too late. He pauses with his glass of water in hand, gaze slowly going back to their couch and catching Woojin’s immediate change in expression.

“What?” He says, all jokes and manner of lightness gone from his voice. Instead of answering though, Jihoon merely takes a very slow sip of his water, avoiding eye contact.

“ _ Please _ tell me I heard that wrong.”

Jihoon gulps, releasing a hefty sigh. He  _ really _ doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. “It’s not what you think.”

Woojin snorts, his brows dipping. “Yeah, sure. Okay. So explain to me then what you were doing tonight that you ended up wearing Kang Daniel’s clothes on you.”

He lets out another sigh, running a hand through his hair. “We went to a club and—”

“You went to a  _ club?!”  _ Woojin gets up, taking a few steps towards him. The spot where his supposed arousal had ought to be is nowhere in sight. “Since when are you two hanging out again?”

“I told you we’ve been meeting over for lunch a few times now!”

“That was  _ lunch _ , Jihoon. Lunch is immensely different from going to a club and coming home at two in the morning and wearing the guy’s clothes on your back!”

“Someone puked on me, okay? I was talking to  _ someone else _ at the club and the guy puked all over me.” Jihoon explains, sighing the words out. He was expecting to tell Woojin what happened tonight as a funny story; a self-deprecating tale for them to laugh about, not to argue over. So much for funny. “I went over to Daniel’s to clean up and he lent me his shirt. That’s it.”

“Of course.” Woojin nods, his face morphing into a frown. “You really expect me to believe that? I wasn’t born yesterday Jihoon.”

That strikes a chord, and Jihoon angrily places his glass of water down on their counter with a hard thud. He walks over to their dining chair, fishing his still damp clothes out of the paper bag he brought with him before hurling it over Woojin’s face.

“The fuck is this?”

“Smell it,” he says, waiting and watching for Woojin to give his shirt a good whiff. He makes a face, immediately pulling it away as far from himself as possible and dropping it on the floor just as Jihoon lets out a derisive snort. “ _ Now _ do you believe me?”

“That still doesn’t explain why you were out with Daniel in the first place.”

“And I’m obligated to explain that, because?” Jihoon asks rhetorically, rolling his eyes and striding back to the kitchen to finish his glass of water. 

“Jihoon.”

“Woojin.”

They stare each other down in an ensuing battle of hard dominance and stubbornness—Woojin’s pointed gaze versus Jihoon’s ice-cold stare. A thick kind of silence envelopes the room, leaving only the mute hum of whatever is playing on their TV to fill up the void.

“You know I’m just worried about you, right?” Woojin says, finally relenting. Concern replacing his feigned annoyance. “I don’t want you to do anything stupid."

"I’m not." Jihoon sighs, exasperation dripping in his tone. "There's nothing for you to worry about, Woojin. We're literally just hanging out. Look, I know you hate the guy—and trust me I get that—but that doesn't mean  _ I _ can't be friends with him. So can we please not make a big deal out of this?"

Woojin regards him with a pensive look, and Jihoon can tell that he’s doing his best to catch him in some sort of lie. As much as he wants to provide an explanation to get his best friend off his back, doing so would only lead to more questions and debates that he doesn’t want to undertake tonight. It’s in everyone’s best interest that whatever Woojin  _ thinks  _ he’s assuming here should remain as that—an assumption. 

"Okay. Fine,” Woojin says, nodding in agreement. The stiffness in his posture and the way his arms are crossed don’t suggest his surrender though. “Well since you’re back early, you wanna grab brunch tomorrow?”

Jihoon pauses at that, evaluating the situation. A part of him wants to dodge the next foreseeable argument and just lie again, but another and much more logical part of his brain is telling him that his lies don't really follow through when it comes to Woojin. He's going to find out sooner or later anyway, so he might as well break in the facts now while they're in shallow waters.

"I...can't," he starts, impulse making him avoid his friend's eyes while he scratches his head. "Daniel's taking me to a cat cafe tomorrow..."

“He's what?" Woojin spits out so hard that he can almost see what he had for dinner flying out of his mouth. Typical. "Why?!”

“He just wanted to make up for what happened tonight and—”

"Are you fucking serious right now?"

"Woojin—"

"You don't even  _ like _ cats!"

"Woojin.” 

The resounding thud of his empty glass on their countertop puts up another silent spell in the room, heavy and looming in the small space. As effective as it is at shutting his best friend up though, it doesn’t expel the scowl being thrown at him that’s sending every possible signal of disapproval there is in the human body language.

“Give me one good reason why I should let you go out with him,” Woojin says, voice even and menacing. Jihoon rolls his eyes, he’s already bordering on snapping a vein from irritation.

“Let me give you three,” he answers without missing a beat. “One, it’s  _ none _ of your business. Two, you’re not my mom and you can’t tell me who I can and can’t hang out with. And three, this is  _ not _ that big of a deal! This isn’t even the first time we’re eating out together!”

Woojin scoffs. “Oh, don’t I know it.”

“Woojin.” Jihoon warns, his tone just short of a growl. It takes a lot of effort not to lash out then, so he’s thankful when Woojin finally puts down the gun and raises both hands in front of him in surrender.

“Fine. Fine. Enjoy your date. I don’t care.” He turns around quickly like the overgrown child that he is to cut off his chances for a response. He turns over to their sofa to grab the remote and switch the TV off before waltzing back in the general direction of his room. But of course with Woojin being Woojin, it doesn’t come without a sarcastic, under-the-breath comment of, “I hope a cat pees on you.”

Jihoon just takes another chug of water, sighing to relieve the tension before he cleans up after himself and heads to his own room. He’s already taken a shower over at Daniel’s, so the first thing he does is plop down face first over his bed and screams at the top of his lungs onto his pillow.

He fishes his phone out of his pocket a few minutes later, eyes squinting at the bright screen as he shoots a quick text message before he puts his phone away and snuggles under his covers. Almost immediately he feels the weariness of tonight's events ebb away in place of warmth and comfort. He doesn’t give himself the time to doubt his actions when he snuggles into his large shirt a little more, putting the neckline of the collar close to his nose to give it a small sniff before he falls asleep in a matter of seconds.

  
  


**_Jihoon:_ ** _ I‘m home hyung. thanks for today. _

**_Jihoon:_ ** _ goodnight. _

  
  
  
  
  


_ *** _

  
  
  
  
  


"That over there is Peter. She's a feisty one, and she likes to pretend that she's only after your food when really, she wants you to pet her and scratch her ear."

Jihoon eyes the cat in question from across the room, watching its tail swish as it struts down over to one of the large window sills of the cafe.

"Why are you calling it a her? Isn't Peter a boy's name?"

"Oh, it is." Daniel nods unabashedly, his expression straight and factual as he does. "But Peter's a girl."

"O..kay?"

"And that fluffy white one over there is Jang-ah,” Daniel points to another cat to his left, over to where a pristine, white cat looks down at them from atop a cat palace. “She’s my favorite ‘cause I feel like she likes playing with humans the most, and she always welcomes me every time I visit here. One time, I had only planned to stay for an hour tops, but Jang-ah literally wouldn’t leave my lap so I ended up staying until closing time.”

Jihoon nods along with a faint smile on his face as he listens to Daniel’s rather enthusiastic monologue about Jang-ah. They’re sitting on the floor with a low lap-table between them inside the medium-sized cafe, half-sipped iced coffees in colorful lidded mugs sitting on the surface. 

The place isn’t too packed given the Saturday afternoon schedule, which means the thirteen cats that reside here roam free and plenty all around the cozy interior. Jihoon’s still currently wrapping his head around the fact, however, that Daniel seems to know every single cat here by heart. Leave it to him to literally become a regular at a neighborhood cat cafe.

“Why don’t you adopt one?” Jihoon asks when Daniel takes a brief pause from his cat speech to take a sip of his drink.

“Sorry?”

“A cat.” He picks up his mug and takes a sip too, relishing the cold caffeine travelling down his throat. “They have adoption forms for the cats here right? And your place is big enough for you to own one. Why don’t you adopt?”

When comprehension finally reaches him, Daniel smiles and chuckles out a soft gust of air through his nose. He puts his mug down and shakes his head slightly, and Jihoon can immediately tell that the next thing he’s about to say is a lie.

“My building doesn’t allow pets.” He simply says, the tone of his voice closing every door and window that would otherwise have been open for discussion. So Jihoon doesn’t push.

There's a silence that passes over them after that, one that would've been awkward if it weren't for the few cats that strayed over to their side in just the right moment. Daniel knows all of them, and they in turn know Daniel, which suspiciously gives Jihoon the thought that they could have possibly sensed the budding haze and acted on it before it got a chance to thicken.

"What about you?" Daniel asks after a while, eyes going to him once again while his hands run over the fur of the shorthair on his lap. This one is Rooney, if Jihoon remembers the names right.

"Me? Adopt a cat?"

Daniel grins wide, his shoulders shaking a little in quiet laughter. "No, I meant a pet. You've always wanted a dog of your own right?"

"Hm." Jihoon hums, not allowing the fact that Daniel even remembers that little detail to sit in his mind for too long. He doesn't know whether it's because of the atmosphere of the place, or whether he wants to rebel a little over the lie Daniel just told him about owning cats that he somehow wants to retaliate with the truth. Whatever the cause, he finds himself spilling it out regardless.

"We planned to," is all he says. The pause and lack of anything else prompting Daniel to follow up.

"You and Woojin?"

Jihoon shakes his head, eyes downcast when he mutters, "Taehyung."

It's only the second time he's mentioned his name to Daniel, the first being in that humiliating moment of drunken sadness when they went out drinking at a bar a month ago. It’s weird to think that it had only been just a few short moments before Daniel had conjured up the crazy idea to appoint himself as his wing man to help him get over the breakup, hence why they’re even here in the first place.

"We even had the papers and everything," Jihoon continues, his finger idly twirling a piece of loose thread on the cushion he's sitting on. "We used to go to this animal shelter, to play and bond with a few of the dogs there. The only reason we haven't gone with it yet is 'cause we couldn't decide who we wanted to take home. We wanted everyone there."

Jihoon smiles at the memory, of how they would spend a good hour or two every weekend visiting the dog shelter and sitting in the common playroom that's not much different to this cat cafe he's in right now. Memories of dog drool on his hands and loose fur on his hoodie. Of the satisfying smell of a kennel filled with pups and the beefy aroma of dog treats. Of quiet laughter and boxy smiles that never failed to make his heart race.

"Sometimes I wonder if it would've made a difference. If...we would still be together if we had actually gotten a dog earlier on." He lets out a derisive snort, shaking his head. "I guess I'll never know now."

He only feels it when it's too late, the stray tear that escapes the corner of his eye that slides down the expanse of his right cheek. Without any preamble on his feelings, he's a little surprised and just a tad bit embarrassed that he's gotten himself worked up enough to actually cry. He's about to wipe the tear off but in an even bigger surprise, he feels another hand beating him to do the job.

Daniel is reaching out from his side of the table, cupping his cheek and swiping a thumb over his tears in the process. He doesn’t say anything and in a way, it infinitely feels a lot better that he doesn’t. The cool warmth of his hand on his face, the look in his eyes and the tiniest of smiles are enough to convey everything and nothing all at once. Before his thoughts unintentionally get ahead of him though, the moment is broken and Jihoon is saved from the potential emotional turmoil when he feels a fluff of fur climbing up his lap.

“Jang-ah likes you,” Daniel says as he pulls away, smiling wider at the sight of them. Jihoon looks down to see the ragdoll cat rolling over and getting comfortable on his lap, and it’s only then that he feels for the first time what Daniel means when he said that cats are healing.

“Sorry,” Daniel says, looking down sheepishly while scratching the side of his own cheek. “Bringing you here probably wasn’t the best idea.”

“What are you talking about?” Jihoon chuckles, the light breath of it expelling the emotion he felt rising up just now. “I love it here.”

“Not if it reminds you of him.”

Jihoon opens his mouth to counter with refusal, to say that he’s wrong and that it's totally not the case. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Quick question,” Daniel suddenly says, leaning forward with interest. “Don’t think. Just answer with the first thing that pops up in your head.”

“Umm...okay?”

Daniel flashes him a smile, the left side of his two front teeth snagging his lower lip. “What’s the one thing Taehyung doesn’t like doing?”

“Cooking.” Jihoon answers on instinct. He doesn’t really know what to feel about that but he isn’t really given that much time to process it when Daniel’s smile is growing wider with mischief right in front of him.

“Why?” Jihoon asks, but all he gets is a shrug and a shake of the head.

“Just curious,” Daniel says, finally leaning back and taking a sip of his drink. Jihoon doesn’t press him though, he’s had enough of talking about his ex.

“Are we going somewhere after this?” It’s a casual question, one that Jihoon doesn’t even give a lot of thought on when he’s busy playing with Jang-ah’s paws.

“We can if you have somewhere you wanna go to,” Daniel answers, and the shift in his tone makes Jihoon look up. It’s nothing too noticeable, but his ears have been trained to discern even the subtlest of changes in Daniel’s voice—unfortunately.

“I can’t stay too late though. I have a—umm...a thing later,” he continues, and if Jihoon didn’t know any better he’d say he sounded a bit disappointed, however much impossible the case is.

“Oh, okay. I promised Woojin we’d eat out tonight too, so...” He shrugs, brushing off the lie. “Are we going out tomorrow then?”

He regrets the question the very second it comes out of his mouth. Not because of the way Daniel’s smile falls a little, or that he suddenly can’t look him in the face. But more of how because it sounded just a little too desperate and hopeful with the implication of attachment. Jihoon isn’t any of those things. He isn’t.

“Umm...I can’t tomorrow either. Or the next few days, actually,” Daniel answers quietly, his attention drawn to one of the cats walking past beside him. “I’ll text you though, as soon as I’m free again.”

Jihoon merely hums in response, picking up his mug to take a sip; forcing down big gulps of his iced coffee to wash down what definitely  _ isn’t _ disappointment rising up his throat. He reminds himself that Daniel is a busy person, and hanging out with him like this on a lazy weekend afternoon is a luxury in itself. 

Thoughts swirl and rile up from inside the cavity of his chest in an unrelenting tide though, so Jihoon pulls up the best form of distraction by pointing to a random brown cat to their right that’s napping over on one of the cushions.

“Who’s that?”

And Daniel might just be a little too eager to jump in on the obvious swerve of their conversational subject but Jihoon pays it no mind; just tunes his head to half-listen and keep himself and his over-analytical mind from working.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


It’s around a week and a half later when Jihoon hears from Daniel again. Eleven days to be exact, not that he's been counting. Jihoon doesn’t ask him where he had gone or what he had been up to in the time they’ve been apart and instead fills the otherwise silent journey in Daniel’s car about how  _ his _ week went. 

“We’re having this launch event coming up soon and as usual, I’m in charge of all the design and creative marketing stuff that comes along with it,” Jihoon says rather monotonously, quite the contrast as to how interested Daniel actually is.

“Then I guess people can expect one heck of a visual feast for the event then, huh?” Daniel comments offhandedly, the praise not going unnoticed.

“Well, I wish. I really think my boss just has this agenda of slowly killing me, to be honest.” Jihoon whines, resting his head back on the car seat and closing his eyes in mild frustration. “Because on top of the event, she’s giving me a shit-tonne of things to do and she expects me to get it all done in like, a snap of a finger. I have half a mind to tell her that I’m a designer, not a wizard.”

Daniel chuckles at him, the sound coming out soft and muffled in muted reverberance. This line of conversation isn't the first for either of them, so the next thing out of his mouth isn't a surprise. “I keep telling you to quit but you never listen to me Hoonie. I’m sure there are a lot of other companies out there who would like to hire you.”

Jihoon doesn’t open his eyes to that. He doesn’t want to  _ see _ the face Daniel is making with that statement. Instead he huffs out a sigh and says, “Just a few more months until I get my year-end bonus. I’ll think about quitting then.”

It’s a good enough breaker to get them to steer away from the topic of Jihoon’s employment. It’s one thing to vent out his stress about work, but by no means does he want to imply anything he doesn’t mean or give Daniel any wrong ideas. 

“You still haven’t told me where we’re going though,” Jihoon says to further distance them from their previous subject. This time he opens one eye to peek at his friend, just in time for him to see his cheshire-cat smile.

“And ruin the surprise?” He laughs, tipping his chin a little in the direction he’s driving. “Don’t worry, we’re almost there anyway.”

Jihon merely hums in feigned indifference, going back to his nap-like state. Daniel holds true to his word though, when just a few minutes later he feels the car slowing down and turning in the motions of what feels to be a parking space. He opens his eyes all the way now, a little surprised that the first thing his vision lands on is the storefront of a quaint-looking bakery. There’s a glass case in full view over at the main window, displaying a variety of cakes and pastries in a rustic-themed arrangement that’s captivating to the eyes just as it is appetizing for the stomach. Jihoon turns his head to look at Daniel next, who has his lower lip under his teeth while he fiddles with something on his phone.

“Okay, I got it,” he suddenly says, facing to grin at him. “Let’s go!”

Daniel unbuckles himself and doesn't wait for a response before he steps out of the vehicle. It's not like Jihoon has a lot of choices presented to him here, so he just stays mum and follows suit, going with the flow.

They enter the bakery with the sound of a bell softly ringing at the door, and as expected the sensation is nowhere short of heavenly. As beautiful as the display on the window outside is, it doesn't nearly compare to how cozy it is inside. Baskets of bread resting on linens and parchment of different sizes adorn the place. A rustic-looking chandelier competing with the current daylight spreads warmth throughout all the four corners of the shop, baking the pastries on display in a golden glow of warm ambience. And then there's the smell—God, Jihoon can feel himself salivating by the aroma alone.

"Hello! Welcome to The Baked Bonsai!" A cheerful looking girl says over at the counter, noticing their presence. Jihoon smiles back at her but Daniel moves all the way forward, telling her something and pointing at his phone in the process.

Jihoon's puzzlement continues when the girl proceeds to draw something from her cupboards—two neatly folded stacks of—are those aprons?—before she passes them over to Daniel with the same cheerful smile.

"Hoonie. C'mon." Daniel grins at him gesturing with his hands to get him to follow. They take one of the hallways but he only manages to catch up on his long strides when he finally stops at one of the doors lining the corridor, grin still in place.

It all clicks together in his head once they actually enter the room. It's spacious, large enough to house the eight wooden tables set up neatly in four rows. There are other people inside, pairs, just like them and it doesn't need a lot of deducing to see that they're probably all couples. 

Daniel walks over to one of the empty tables at the very last row behind the room, setting his stuff down before facing him again. "Surprise," he says, complete with an eye-smile.

"Baking classes? Really?" Jihoon comments, although the sarcasm blows away with the wind when Daniel chooses that time to unfold their aprons. He holds one of them up in front of him until Jihoon realizes what he's doing. And maybe he  _ is _ feeling a bit surprised and just a little giddy with this whole thing because there's just no other way to explain why he'd willingly let Daniel put an apron around his neck right then and allow him to snake his arms behind to tie it around his waist.

"Cute." Daniel muses, grinning wide. Jihoon just gives him a playful shove and a snort, hoping against the odds that his face doesn't reveal his rising blush. He’s saved from any further embarrassment though, when they all take notice of the person who enters the room next. Unlike everyone else here who came as a pair, this guy comes in alone and strides to the center to stand in front.

“Hello everyone, and welcome! I hope you didn’t all wait too long.” Tall and broad shouldered, the guy carries with him an air of confidence as he speaks to his audience. He’s obviously the instructor today, but there’s something about the guy that Jihoon just can’t place. A sense of familiarity that he doesn’t remember where from.

“First of all, allow me to thank each and every one of you for choosing to spend your time with me here.” The man gives them a wanton smile before dipping his head in a short bow. “My name is Kim Seokjin, and it’s my utmost pleasure to be your teacher for today.”

The name clicks and Jihoon immediately opens up all the windows in his mind to let in the gust of information he’d just been pondering about. Kim Seokjin, the baker who made a name for himself on Youtube and is now regarded as one of South Korea’s youngest celebrity chefs. He’s watched him a few times on the internet and the TV and has even followed a few recipes he cooks for him and Woojin at home.

“You know him?” Daniel whispers from beside him, eyes upfront like a sly student. Jihoon chortles.

“Of course I know him. What is he doing here? And how did you land us a spot in his class??” Jihoon knows for a fact that a person of Kim Seokjin’s caliber would entail a sort of difficulty in meeting that isn’t unlike the experience of nabbing tickets to a top-tier idol’s concert. 

“I know a few people,” is all Daniel says. And as if his voice had been heard by the devil, Jihoon could’ve sworn that Kim Seokjin just glanced over at their direction in that very same second, throwing a small smile over to them.

“Okay! So those are the basics of the cake we’re going to make today,” Kim Seokjin announces with glee, clapping his hands for a finish. “You have the recipe I just explained printed out on your tables for you to follow. And please don’t hesitate to ask me anything! I’ll be going around to check how you’re doing, so you may now start!”

Jihoon still feels a little dazed and starstruck but he’s glad to know that he’s not alone in this aspect. The first row of couples in the class are even clambering over to their teacher right at the moment he’s stopped speaking to get a selfie with him.

“Okay, I didn’t quite catch everything he said but,” Daniel starts, and Jihoon looks over to see him reading out the recipe sheet. “This should be easy enough. He did say it’s a pretty basic cake.”

“Have you ever baked anything in your life before?” Jihoon asks, smiling at his innocence.

“Nope. Which makes this all the more fun.” Daniel grins, and Jihoon has to bite his lip down as to not catch the gesture himself. “Okay so step one says we need to preheat the oven.”

Jihoon hums in understanding, going over to the small oven on their table to turn the dial. Daniel nods at him and picks up his pencil to put a little check mark on the bulleted instruction. This time Jihoon doesn’t hold off the smile he feels forming, nor when he says, “Cute.”

“So next step says we have to prepare the dry ingredients,” Daniel says hurriedly, brushing away his last comment. “Sift the flour with the salt. Umm...what does that mean?”

Jihoon chuckles, grabbing a bowl and a sieve and placing it in front of Daniel. “Here. Measure the flour’s weight first then you pass them through the strainer.” He demonstrates the motion a little for him to understand, before passing it for him to continue. “You do that while I work on the next step.”

He grabs the eggs then, taking two bowls and setting them side by side. He gives it a careful tap on the table's surface, carefully splitting the shell into two halves before passing the yolk to and fro and letting the eggwhites drip onto his first bowl. It takes a fair amount of concentration, which is probably why he doesn't notice his partner staring at him from the side until he's about halfway through separating his third egg.

"What?" Jihoon turns to him, eyebrows raised slightly.

"Since when did you learn how to separate eggs perfectly?" Daniel asks, a hint of wonder in his voice. "Last time I saw you attempt to do that, you were fishing the yolk from the bowl with your bare hands."

Jihoon tries to bite back a smile, ultimately failing at it so he busies himself with going back to his task. “I sometimes make pancakes for me and Woojin on the weekends for breakfast. Sometimes when I feel like it, I make it extra fluffy using the same method we’re doing right now.” He shrugs with his answer, but Daniel only seems to get even more surprised.

“Wait, wait—you can cook now?”

Jihoon finishes up the last egg and discards the shells before he faces Daniel again, nodding. “It was either instant ramen and takeout for the rest of my life or I learn how to cook for myself. No big deal.”

He says that, but he and Daniel both know the level of how much of a ‘big-deal’ it actually is. He gets a knowing smile and a short nod, before Daniel fully turns back to finish sifting his flour. Jihoon grabs a whisk and focuses on beating his eggwhites then, pretending that he doesn't notice how his partner is stealing glances at him every so often.

If he may be so bold to put it out there, Jihoon feels quite satisfied with himself a little while later after seeing that he and Daniel are the first pair to have their cake batter inside the oven. He's looking at all the other participants having trouble mixing and whatnot, particularly eyeing the couple a little ways to their left who both have obviously never tried to crack an egg before. He’s sporting a gleeful smile on his face until he feels Daniel nudge him with his elbow.

"Always so competitive," he says under his breath, all smiles while his focus is pointed on the cream he's whipping. Jihoon lets out a breathy laugh.

"I am not," he answers with a small pout, and in a quieter voice says, "What are you talking about anyway. Where’s the competition?"

Daniel nudges him again, eyes turning into crescents as he puts his bowl down. "Okay. I think the cream's ready." He dips a finger in the mix then, holding it out for Jihoon to taste.

Now, if Jihoon had just been paying attention—had his presence of mind intact and didn’t get all this baking to distract him so much to put his guard down—maybe he wouldn’t have so stupidly taken the two small steps towards Daniel and put his cream-glazed finger inside his mouth without even a slither of hesitation. The realization hits him a second too late, just as he closes his lips over the digit. Immediately his head devices a reaction to play it off with casualness, maybe give a professional comment on its taste and texture and whatnot. And he’s about to, except he suddenly feels Daniel’s finger tense just above his tongue and the thought of him realizing the position they’re in all but freezes him on the spot.

The worst part is probably when Jihoon makes the mistake to look up and their eyes meet. The lightness of the moment from a few seconds ago is deftly replaced by an air so thick that he can’t even breathe. All jokes and smiles are gone from Daniel’s expression, which now only holds a slight, mouth-agape, face of shock that’s probably mirroring his own.

The ding of their small oven snaps the both of them back to reality. And Jihoon tries his best not to think about it—like  _ really _ tries—but his mind can't seem to let pass the small detail of how Daniel had jerkily, and rather violently, pulled out his finger just now as if he had just touched hot lava. The abruptness of the gesture shouldn't hurt. The way he’s making sure that his eyes are anywhere but on him shouldn't hurt. 

"Umm—I think the cake is done." Daniel points out, his voice coming out thick and hesitant. Jihoon on the other hand has lost for a moment the ability to talk, nodding and turning around instead to get back to the task on hand.

They finish making the rest of the cake in relative silence for the most part, and Jihoon can't even find it in him to feel proud of them when the instructor calls the session to an end and they're the only couple to have a finished and appetizing cake to look at. 

_ Pair _ , he corrects his own head. They're a pair, not a couple.

"Wah, it looks so good," Daniel says, a bit of normalcy returning to his voice. "Can you hold it up Hoonie? I wanna take a photo."

He’s being completely ridiculous about all this. Daniel’s obviously not as fazed as he is over what happened, so why should he? He blinks hard a few times, mentally slapping himself and stomping at the butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he picks up their cake and holds it up for the lens of Daniel’s phone camera.

“Cute,” Daniel says, his usual broad smile stretching over his face. 

“Are you talking about me?” A voice speaks up to the side of them where he and Daniel both turn to look at the same time. Jihoon almost drops the cake. Kim Seokjin is standing right next to them.

“Ah, hyung!” Daniel beams at him, giving a slight bow. “Thanks again for taking us in on such short notice.”

Jihoon blinks at him, but before he can get his brain to think, Seokjin is already waving a hand off and chuckling. “No worries Niel-ah. I’m actually glad Joonie told me that you asked to attend. It’s a lot easier to teach a class when there’s a familiar face in the room.”

“You did really well though!” Daniel reassures him, now turning to Jihoon and pointing at their cake. “I haven’t introduced you yet. Hyung, this is my friend Jihoon.”

Seokjin turns to him then, and Jihoon has to blink twice before he gets half his mind back to put the cake down and shake the man’s hand. “It’s very nice to meet you Seokjin-ssi.”

He gets a chuckle, a wide smile that doesn’t look any less beautiful than his normal face when he gets waved off. Jihoon thinks this must be the beauty of internet celebrities. 

“Just ‘hyung’ is fine Jihoon-ah. And it’s absolutely my pleasure to meet you too,” Seokjin says, pointing at their cake on the table. “Nothing warms a teacher’s heart more than seeing a very capable student perform well in his class.”

He thinks he feels his brain melting.  _ The _ Kim Seokjin just complimented his baking. “Ah, t-thank you Seokjin-ss—ah, hyung!” He stutters, bowing in gratitude.

“You guys can go chill upstairs on the café deck to eat your cake if you want.” Seokjin points a finger up in suggestion. “I already told Wendy that you can order anything on the menu free of charge.”

“Oh. You didn’t have to hyung, it’s fine,” Daniel says, waving his hands in front of him that Seokjin merely scoffs at in fondness.

“It’s no problem Niel, it’s the least I can do. You guys just enjoy yourselves. I still got a few errands to run so I’ll catch you both later, okay?”

Seokjin takes his leave then, waving and exiting at one of the back doors of the room and leaving Jihoon and Daniel to pack up their stuff. They do as Seokjin says, and take the stairs up to the second floor of the bakery at the café deck where they're served with ice-blended frappuccinos to go with the cake they made. 

“So what’s the verdict?” Daniel asks him, his own fork just hovering at the entrance of his mouth while he watches Jihoon take the first bite.

“It’s good,” he answers with a nod. “It’s just a little dry, probably ‘cause we left it in the oven long. But it’s good.”

Daniel looks to take his word for it, tasting his piece for himself. Jihoon may or may not feel a little pride blooming in his chest at the reaction his face makes.

“Holy shit. I don’t know what you're going on about it being dry. This tastes amazing!”

Jihoon chuckles, taking a sip of his drink as he watches Daniel eat his slice in under a minute right before cutting himself a new one.

“So are you going to tell me how in the world you’re friends with Kim Seokjin?” He asks after a while. Daniel just smirks and looks down at his plate.

“I’m friends with his boyfriend—or, I guess  _ fiancé,  _ now that they’re engaged,” he says in answer, a light fondness in his tone. “I used to have dinner sometimes at their apartment and we would play videogames and watch movies all night. Seokjin-hyung’s a fantastic cook.”

Somehow that doesn’t surprise him in the least bit. Daniel had always been the friendly one between them. The social butterfly that everyone younger than him idolized and everyone older than him wanted to take care of. A literal ‘overgrown puppy’ that people can’t say no to. 

“Did you have fun today?” 

Jihoon is broken from his thoughts at the question, his eyes refocusing back on Daniel. It seems like the sun had shifted during the last few seconds, because he could’ve sworn that the light coming through the large window right beside them wasn’t hitting Daniel like it’s doing now. 

He’s glowing. Like,  _ really  _ glowing. The few fried-out strands of his bleached-blonde hair stick out and bounce the light around his head in a sort of halo, and the part of his front teeth that always snags at his lower lip when he smiles shines in prominence. Jihoon has to remind himself to swallow the food in his mouth, breathe, and answer the question.

“Y-yeah. I did.” A hand flies up to scratch the top of his head as he nods rather awkwardly. 

“Why does that sound awfully forced?” Daniel breathes a small laugh, and Jihoon panics a little when he can tell that this is him hiding his apprehension.

“N-no. Honest! It’s just...umm...I know you mean well hyung, and I appreciate that. I really do,” he says looking him in the eye with a hint of seriousness. “But I can only guess how much you must’ve spent for us to attend this class. And I know you, hyung. Even if you  _ are _ friends with the owner, you’re not the type to take in free favors.”

Daniel chuckles at him, and although he’s still smiling, there's still a small dip creasing his brows in confusion. “So, what are you saying?”

“I just don’t want you spending so much money on me,” Jihoon answers frankly, unblinking. “I know you said we’ll do things your way now but...I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you don’t have to shell out so much every time.”

He doesn’t look at Daniel after he says that, but he doesn’t have to either to know that he’s probably just staring at him with a pensive look on his face. Thinking, considering, and taking in his words. Jihoon knows the steps to this process like the back of his hand, already expecting the answer to come after a short sigh of breath.

“Alright. No more expensive dates then,” Daniel says, the word he just used prompting him to give a careful look. “We’ll do something cheap next time.”

Jihoon doesn’t even want to ponder too long over the word  _ ‘date’ _ and focuses instead on the fact that Daniel has agreed to his request. He’s a little surprised, to be honest, knowing how Daniel has always been stubborn when it comes to these things when he’s usually the type who likes to go all-out.

“Hoonie, if you’re going to keep staring into space like that, there’s not gonna be that much cake left for you.” Daniel snaps him back again, on the sight of him already tackling his third slice of the cake. For some reason though, even though he’s the more notorious one in terms of finishing food, Jihoon finds that he doesn’t mind as much when the happiness just seeps out of his hyung like the way it does right now.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


Jihoon curses in his head when the ding of their doorbell echoes around their apartment for the fifth consecutive time in a row. He’s been ignoring it, hoping and praying to the heavens that whoever is buzzing would eventually get the hint and leave. In true universal irony though, a sixth ring comes at an interval that's way too fast to be anything but annoying, and it’s by the seventh that he finally pulls back the covers from his bed and gets up with a groggy stomp.

He throws open his bedroom door, finding Woojin doing the exact same thing across the hall. He looks just as perturbed and just about ready to kill whoever is abusing their doorbell at this hour on a Sunday morning as he is.

"I'll get it," Jihoon says, his voice still running deep and rough with disuse. He takes the few short steps to get from his bedroom to their front door, not even bothering to check the peephole and just pulls the locks and yanks the knob open. 

A hundred different emotions course through his body the second his brain registers who's in front of him. Two feelings stand out from the rest though, floating to the very surface of his being as if they’re just  _ demanding  _ to be felt. Regret, for not making sure behind the protection of a wooden door of who's even on the other side, and pure and utter humiliation because Jihoon is  _ sure _ that the current state of his appearance looks like he just got mauled by a bear.

"Morning!" Comes Daniel's cheeky greeting, all smiles and brightness that rivals that of the sun.

"W-what?" Is all Jihoon manages , before his brain catches up with his question. "What are you doing here?"

"I came over for movies and videogames. Cheap activities," Daniel says in answer, and Jihoon is just slightly impressed with himself that he's managed to comprehend the statement and proceed to look mightily perplexed after. "I brought microwave popcorn, and two boxes of fried chicken and pizza!"

“What?” He shakes his head, incredulous and just slightly annoyed and surprised over how Daniel can sound this perky on a Sunday morning. He’s even wearing sweats in the form of an all-black tracksuit while Jihoon is here in just a tank top and boxer briefs.

“Jihoon?”

His humiliation takes a backseat then, pushed and shoved by a different emotion from the mix gyrating in his system when he hears his roommate’s voice from behind him. His roommate. Woojin. Is right behind him.

“Oh, hi Woojin-ah!”

If there was ever a good time for his apartment building to collapse via sinkhole underneath the floorboards he’s standing on so that he can take a direct route to be swallowed all the way to the earth’s core, then that time would be now. Daniel seems to sense his panic, and now Jihoon can add to the list of regrets he’s having at the moment for not mentioning to him that his roommate may or may not hate his guts.

“What are you doing here?” asks Woojin, in a voice so venomous that he can literally see the fluids of it melting their living room carpet.

“Oh, I came to—”

“I asked him to come, actually!” Jihoon cuts him off, turning around to face Woojin but not before giving Daniel a death glare to shut the hell up. “I suggested that we go watch a movie together without actually spending on the movie so I invited him here for Netflix.”

_ Bullshit _ . That’s the word that could perfectly describe the face Woojin is giving him then. Jihoon can even see his right eye twitching, and he almost feels himself flinch when he speaks again.

“Can I see you in the kitchen Jihoon?  _ Now.”  _ Woojin doesn’t wait for him and just starts to angrily stomp toward their open kitchen without another word. Jihoon sighs, motioning for Daniel to come in and stay put before he’s scuttering off behind Woojin’s trail and preparing for the worst.

“Woojin—”

“What  _ the fuck?!” _

“Woojin, calm down.”

“You don’t get to tell me to calm down Jihoon!”

“I know, I know. But please, just listen—”

“Oh I’m listening. I’m all ears with how you’re bulshitting your explanation out of this.”

Jihoon sighs in frustration. Not just at how Woojin is completely disregarding the fact that them having this conversation in the kitchen in the first place doesn’t make a lot of sense because he’s sure as hell by now that Daniel has and will probably hear everything, but also because he’s completely overreacting. Couple that with him being woken up not too nicely from his weekend morning slumber, Jihoon doesn’t even know where to begin his bullshit explanation.

“Well?!”

Jihoon hangs his head, facing the floor when all he can do is shake it in defeat. “I don’t have one,” he says, shoulders slacking. “I really just wanted to spend time with him Woojin.”

“Do you fucking hear yourself—!”

“Can you  _ please _ keep it down!” Jihoon lets out an exasperated breath, running his fingers through his still unruly hair. “We’re just going to hang out Woojin. If you’re really so against that then I’ll just head on over to his place and—”

“The hell will I let you go over to that  _ demon’s _ hell hole! Not after he’s seen you looking like  _ this.” _

“Woojin—”

“Fine. You know what? Fine.” He puts both his hands up in front of him, nodding and pulling the corners of his mouth down in a sarcastic expression of agreement. “You guys wanna hang out here? Go ahead. Just know that I will  _ not  _ leave this living room the entire time.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. It’s the best he’s going to get out of his roommate. “Whatever.”

“And bedrooms are off-limits!” Woojin says in his—Jihoon is now just starting to realize this—horrible cockroach-voice loud enough for Daniel to hear.

They walk back to the main living space of their apartment to find Daniel still standing at their foyer. He’s uncharacteristically looking at the toes of his socked feet, and quite terribly feigns his surprise when he sees them coming back from their ‘talk’.

_ “Daniel,”  _ Woojin starts to say, and Jihoon has to fight hard in stopping himself from whacking his roommate in the head over his choice of words. “Thank you for bringing us food. Sorry about the... _ misunderstanding _ . Jihoon here seemed to have forgotten to tell me that you’re coming at this early of a time on a Sunday morning.”

“Oh.” Daniel blinks, a bit of embarrassment coloring his face. “Sorry. I...didn’t mean to bother you.”

“That’s okay!” Woojin smiles, although it's one of a shark’s exuding sarcasm. “We’ll just get dressed and then we can get started on movies and videogames and food!”

After Woojin forcibly pulls Jihoon away from the scene and back into his room to put some decent clothes on, the rest of their Sunday pretty much goes in the way he expects it to go. He and Woojin only have one couch in their flat, and it quickly becomes apparent to everyone involved that his roommate has made it his personal mission to take the center seat of the sofa for the entire course of Daniel's visit. They watch  _ 'Train to Busan' _ under Woojin's suggestion that they go for a movie with a title of their hometown and yet ironically doesn't even show said hometown during the entire length of the film. Jihoon can't even pay attention to any of the blood and tragedy unfolding on screen when there's an even bigger calamity happening to him here in their living room.

Woojin ends up eating most of the food, unsurprisingly, and Jihoon swears he almost dies of embarrassment when his roommate so very unsubtly suggests to Daniel that he should buy them beers. It’s all he can do to keep himself from grabbing the nearest throw pillow and smothering Woojin right on the spot.

Nine hours. He survives a total nine hours of this perilous experience that it has him rethinking the concept of going to work on a Sunday. When Daniel finally announces that it's getting late and starts to get up, Jihoon tries to help Woojin on his mission of taking their couch by shoving him backwards on his way to the front door.

"I'll walk you out!" Jihoon says, and he couldn't have made Daniel put his shoes on and pull him out of the door faster than he did. For the very first time since waking up today, he breathes a lungful of air in celebration. He's never been happier to be outside his own home. To his surprise though—or maybe not entirely—Daniel is just laughing at him. 

"Well that was...interesting," he says with a stifled chuckle. Jihoon rolls his eyes and grabs him by the shirt sleeve to pull him towards the lifts. 

"I'm sorry about that. About Woojin. He's just being a first-class asshole," Jihoon says as he presses the buttons on the elevator with a little more force than necessary. 

"I didn't know he hated me so much. Although that's completely understandable. I probably should have called you first before barging in like that," Daniel says sheepishly, a hand flying to run the back of his neck. "But I have to admit, it was kinda worth it seeing you in your Peppa pig boxers—ow!"

Jihoon purses his lips in feigned annoyance, holding back a smile. "You're making it really hard for me to feel bad for you right now."

"Well." Daniel sneers, crossing his arms in mock pride. "I wouldn't say today was a total bust."

And he's right, actually. In some small, unnaturally awkward way, he  _ did _ enjoy the weirdness and tension in their apartment. Especially the part where Woojin was constantly trying to seem laid back when he's probably just as on edge and irritable as him the entire time. It's a good distraction from his feelings and everything else in reality, and the smile Daniel gives him tells him he knows that too.

"We'll steer clear from your apartment next time though," he says as the elevator doors open and they walk out into the lobby. "I think the next time I come over, Woojin probably wouldn't be as welcoming."

"You got that right." Jihoon chuckles, coming top stop when they're stood by the apartment building's entrance now. He chews on his lip a little, hesitating. "So, uhh—I guess I’ll just see you at lunch tomorrow?" He asks, hating how he sounds so hopeful about it.

"Umm—" Daniel averts his eyes to look upward, as if he's considering his answer first. "I actually have a meeting during our usual lunch time. I'll probably only get to leave the office an hour later than usual.”

“Oh.” Jihoon tries to ignore the sting he feels in his chest, despite how hard it is to do so, and fights to keep his face devoid of emotion. He’s just in the process of swallowing down the disappointment when Daniel speaks up again. 

“Unless you can wait for me?” He says in suggestion. “You can move your lunch break right?”

“Oh,” Jihoon mutters again, but of a different note than the last. “Umm, sure. I can wait. No problem.”

“Okay then.” Daniel nods, grin plastering back up his face. “I’ll text you tomorrow. See you, Hoonie.”

“Drive safe.” Jihoon waves back at Daniel’s retreating figure. This time he doesn’t stop it—the warmth coming up his cheeks and the butterflies flying rampant in his stomach that gives him the dopest looking smile known to man.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


“I told you no more expensive activities.” Jihoon whines from where they’re standing in front of the entrance to what he knows is a very upper-class gym with very expensive membership fees. He faces Daniel who’s just casually zipping his gym bag from beside him and adjusting the strap on his shoulder.

“It’s not an expensive activity Hoonie.”

“Yeah, because my monthly salary is  _ definitely _ not on the cap of how much even just being in this place costs,” he says, voice lowering down to an irked whisper as they head inside. Even the smell of the place reeks of luxury. 

“I’m already a member here, and members are allowed to bring in a max of three guests per month with them,” Daniel says matter-of-factly, striding inside with a kind of confidence that exudes just how often he actually comes here. “And besides. What we’re gonna do today has been on my list of plans for a while now and I had initially wanted to book another class. But since you said no more ‘expensive’ activities, I’m resorting to my gym membership instead.”

Jihoon’s about to ask what the hell it is he’s even got planned for them today, until Daniel leads him past the common gym equipment and facilities and through the back. They enter a room with a glass door that unlocks with a keycard he pulls out of his pocket and suddenly Jihoon doesn’t have to ask anymore. It’s all clear to him the moment his eyes take in the expanse of the room; the polished wooden floorboards, the large empty space, and the floor to ceiling mirrors covering the entire surface of one side of the wall. There’s a warm chill travelling down his spine that’s sending a tingle right to his core—he hasn’t been inside a dance studio since he graduated from university. 

Memories from three and a half years ago flash back in his head in a rush that makes his knees go weak, but in a good kind of way. He remembers nights of coming back late to his dorm after spending hours after class dancing his heart out. He remembers the blast of music with the bass reverberating in his chest, the squeak of sneakers on the wooden floor, and the drip of sweat in the middle of his chest. He tries his best not to visit other memories but it’s a futile attempt—mental flashes come out bringing images of hands touching in the pass of water bottles, of sweaty arms and knees brushing side by side, and out of breath kisses in between breaks.

“Cool right?” 

Daniel’s voice snaps him back to the present, and Jihoon shakes his head a little and blinks a few times before he looks up again to see their reflection in the mirror. 

“Yeah. Are we joining a class or something?”

Daniel shakes his head at him, walking over to one corner of the room where the sound system is set up. “Classes are held in one of the bigger studios here. This one is for private use that I reserved for us today.”

“Oh,” is all Jihoon can say, the brunt of the fact sinking for him. He scratches at the top of his head, suddenly feeling a little hesitant when he says, “I don’t...actually dance anymore. It’s been a while.”

But Daniel doesn’t seem to be listening. Not when music starts to play and fill the room with electronic dance beats and heavy blue rhythms. They look at each other’s reflections in the mirror when Daniel walks over to stand beside him, giving off an easy smile.

“I’m sure your body still remembers,” he says with a nod, before he twists and turns his body a little in a light stretch. “Just follow my lead, okay?”

With a bit—or maybe a  _ lot _ —of reluctance, Jihoon nods and watches the mirror as Daniel begins to move, showing him the first few steps of a choreography he doesn’t know the steps to. He’s at least not  _ too _ bashful to even try though because he has to admit, he does kind of miss doing this. 

Jihoon moves his body in the direction Daniel shows him, popping his shoulders and angling his torso to the beat of the hip hop track playing on the speakers. His image on the silver-backed glass looks stiff and hesitant as compared to Daniel’s fluid motions, which is to be expected because it  _ has _ been more than three years. He tries not to be too hard on himself and the reassuring smiles his partner gives him helps in that, but it’s only at about the fourth run of the song that Jihoon finally begins to loosen his aged screws and bolts and begins to actually move.

Daniel was right, his body does remember the skill he’s so attuned to before that it doesn’t really take that much longer for him to keep up. His steps gradually become more sure of themselves, the pops his joints make along with his turns and waves coming out more pronounced that the feeling he gets in doing so opens up something in him that spews out a warm kind of rush that lights up every limb and muscle. It’s exhilarating and overwhelming, that soon it starts to feel like his body has a mind of its own and is flowing to the rhythm on its own accord.

They go at it for what feels like a very short run and the only way they know it’s been an actual hour at least is because their bodies are screaming for relief. And it feels good, to pant and run out of breath, to collapse and fall to the floor and to see their faces in the mirror holding smiles as big as their movements just seconds earlier. Daniel’s laughing, crawling over to where he’s placed his phone down to pause the music before laying spread-eagled again right next to him.

“That was fun,” he says with a small chuckle, still breathing hard in shaky breaths. Jihoon can only nod and smile in response, busy doing his absolute best not to stare at the rise and fall of Daniel’s chest—at the way his thin, white shirt is already clinging to the skin drenched in sweat.

“When’s the last time you said you danced?” 

Despite it coming a little out of the blue, the answer escapes Jihoon’s tongue without his general consent; most probably because he’s feeling more winded and his brain is still on a high from adrenaline.

“Uni,” he says, and the realization of his answer makes him close his eyes to keep them from seeing Daniel’s reaction. Thankfully, his comment on the fact doesn’t delve into a topic he doesn’t want to discuss.

“You’re still really good though,” is all Daniel says, and Jihoon peeks with one eye to see that his friend is also in a similar position of rest; with eyes closed in peacefulness.

“So are you,” Jihoon says, smiling when Daniel looks at him. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that you danced every time you went to the gym.”

He gets a toothy grin at that, one that definitely doesn’t bring more warmth at the base of Jihoon’s stomach than necessary. “Not  _ every  _ time. Just a few days a week at most.”

“Always so modest.” Jihoon snorts, mocking an eye roll that Daniel just laughs some more at. “Thank you though,” he continues, nodding in earnest. “I umm—kinda forgot how much I loved doing this. Thanks for giving me a reminder.”

Daniel reaches out to him then, places his nearest hand at the base of his ankle. Their positions are weird and a little awkward-looking, but Jihoon knows the gesture he wants to convey and he accepts it. 

When they’ve both caught their breath ten minutes later, Daniel gets up and goes to his phone to play another song on the speakers. And the very second the first note resounds in the empty room, Jihoon feels his blood turn cold and his sweat freeze on the back of his neck as a wave of familiarity travels down to every part of his body.

“Do you remember this?” Daniel asks him with a slight smirk, and Jihoon bites his tongue at the first sarcastic comment attempting the blurt out of his mouth.  _ Of course _ he remembers this song. And he’s sure as hell Daniel knows that too even prior to asking by just looking at his face.

“I don’t remember the steps to it though,” Jihoon says as an answer instead, hoping for all its worth that the heat he feels on his cheeks aren’t visually obvious. He peeks at his reflection in the mirror. He’s safe.

“I don’t believe that,” Daniel says with a fucking  _ wink _ before he holds his hand out to help him up. Jihoon takes it with reluctance, releasing a heavy breath as they both face the front of the mirrored wall.

Daniel moves first, elegant and languid with sharp transitions as befits the slow R&B track. Jihoon just stands there for a little while, occasionally bopping his head to the beat and moving a few muscles in time with the rhythm to get the a feel of the dance. He watches Daniel and weirdly enough, just seeing him execute the moves is amplifying that familiar wave he felt earlier that serves as the final push for him to join in.

His body  _ does _ remember it. Evidently not as much but he can keep up no problem. Which brings him to consider how in the world Daniel still knows the steps as if no time has gone by. They dance mostly in sync, two different styles of the same choreography that bring out two shades of the same hue. Jihoon feels the rush of adrenaline again; the same burst of energy emanating from his core but it’s coupled with something else this time. Something stronger and fuller that resonates in every move and spin and wave his body makes—a blinding sense of nostalgia.

He’s so focused that the few glimpses he sees of himself in the mirror flashes him memories of the last time he danced to this song. He sees Daniel in the same state, focused and lost in the music. Jihoon’s barely thinking of the movements now and is just letting his body do what it knows all on its own, which is probably not the wisest idea because muscle memory only ever goes so far until it snuffs out or makes a miss. Which is exactly the case when by the bridge of the song, he makes a turn in the wrong direction that gets him colliding with another body spinning the other way that they both end up in a scramble of limbs and hot skin.

Jihoon doesn’t trip or fall thanks to Daniel’s steady arms on him, but he does find himself in the general proximity of his friend that’s a little too close for comfort. Their torsos are flush, Jihoon’s sweat-lined chest pressing against the Daniel’s drenched ones. He can see every detail on the skin of his face; the crookedness of his teeth, the small mole below his right eye, and the dews of sweat clinging over his brows and dripping down his chin. Time stops and the only indication that it even passes is the music playing and eventually stopping in the background when the song finds its end. 

Yet no one still moves, not a muscle or a strand of hair in the undisturbed space. Daniel has his eyes trained on him without a single hint of a smile or a break in his features. His expression is as focused as when he was dancing, and Jihoon feels like he’s drowning.

And then he moves forward, and Jihoon feels it in the way the hands on his arms are suddenly pulling him closer as the face in front of him slowly tips forward. And maybe he’s more out of breath and lost in adrenaline than he ever thought to consider because the next thing he knows is his eyes are drooping to a close as he lets himself be led into the unknown. In this blindness, all he can feel and hear is the soft gust of air wafting across his face and the loud drumming of his heart echoing inside his ears. It screams and beats even louder the moment he feels something touch his lips; something soft and solid and whole that’s barely there and completely present at the same time. 

It’s just a brush of skin, more ghost-like than tactile if anything. And yet it turns every surge of the warmth he’d been feeling a lot of lately into electrified sparks of undiluted drive. It’s intoxicating, completely stimulating that it’s almost strong enough to lead his attention away from the incoming press on his lips. But just before it completely does, just before the phantom of the action turns into something real, a loud and digital-sounding tone suddenly blasts on the speakers of the room that effectively breaks the moment in an instant.

Daniel is off of him in the space of a heartbeat, and it takes Jihoon two more seconds to catch his breath and realize that Daniel’s phone is still connected to the sound system and that someone is calling him. It takes another two seconds for him to register his own reflection in the mirror—which is, at best, safely decent considering the wildness of his brunette hair and the redness crawling up all the way from his neck to his ears.

The incessant ringing stops and Jihoon realizes that Daniel has rejected the call. He doesn’t dare to look at him though, and focuses instead on the reflection of his shoes in the mirror. He watches it turn in his direction, a good enough pre-emptive to know that he’s about to be spoken to.

“Hey, umm—sorry, I gotta make a call. Can you stay here for a bit? I won’t be long.”

Jihoon, still keeping his eyes on the white trainers, simply nods and pulls both corners of his face into what he hopes is a normal looking smile. He only ever really allows himself to properly let out a breath when he hears the door behind him beep to a close.

When he looks at his own face again, he feels all the energy leave his body in the opposite way it did to build up the adrenaline in the first place. It leaves him sagging and dejected for some reason, confused and just slightly aching. He gives his head a hard shake, pops and stretches his shoulders a bit while taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. By the time the door beeps again and Daniel walks back in, he’s at least slightly more attached to his mind than he was minutes prior.

“Hey, uhh—” Daniel starts, pausing a little to chew at his bottom lip. Jihoon has a feeling he already knows what’s coming. “I really hate to do this Hoon, but you think we can wrap up now? Something came up at umm...work, and I kinda have to run.”

“Oh.” His voice cracks, and damn him if the tone from that simple word doesn’t drip of disappointment. “Okay. No problem.”

Daniel visibly flinches. Obviously a problem. “I’m really sorry. I really didn’t want—”

“It’s okay. Really, hyung. I understand.” He gives him a pleasant smile, one that he’s confident doesn’t look too forced at least. “I’m kinda tired anyway too. We can call it a day.”

Daniel nods, and he looks down at his hand when his phone buzzes again. “I’ll drive you home. You can wait at the entrance while I get the car around—”

“No, it’s fine,” Jihoon says, and now it’s his turn to flinch at how cold that came out. “I mean, I don’t want to keep you from your thing. I can take the bus.”

“Jihoon…”

“Really. It’s okay, hyung.” He turns around and slings his bag to his shoulder then, ready to go. As brave and casual as he’s being right now, he doesn’t think he has it in him to maintain this level of aloofness in the small space of Daniel’s car. “I’ll be okay. I’ll just...text you.”

Daniel’s phone buzzes again, and it cuts away whatever fight he had left in him at persuading Jihoon and just nods. “I’m really sorry.”

Jihoon simply smiles back, ignoring how the weight of that apology doesn’t seem to only pertain to the fact that he’s bailing on him. He doesn’t turn to look back and just heads straight for the door and out of the gym as fast as his legs will carry him.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


Jihoon softly pulls the door to his bedroom closed, being careful to hold the knob so it doesn’t make a resounding click in the hallway. He had spent a good five minutes of his time with his ear by the door listening and making sure that there were no sounds of activity or life outside before he even thought of stepping out. He silently walks towards the living room now, almost tiptoeing in his socks to get to their front door. He’s just a few feet away too, hand already reaching for his shoes and—

“What are you doing?”

Jihoon freezes, wantonly looks over his shoulder to find Woojin staring at him from their kitchen where he’s drinking from a can of beer. He sighs, so much for going out unnoticed.

“I’m going out,” he answers, straightening his back as if he hadn’t just been caught sneaking.

“Where?”

“Dinner.” Jihoon purses his lips. He can see Woojin giving him a narrowed look while his eyes look at him from head to toe. He puts his beer can down over their countertop and leans forward on his elbows with an eyebrow raised.

“You look awfully nice,” he says, but instead of feeling flattered about it, all Jihoon gets is a cold sense of dread.

“Umm—thanks?”

Woojin snorts, taking a sip of his drink again. “Have fun. Say hi to  _ Daniel _ for me.”

And there it is. The venom in Woojin’s voice is so strong in that one that Jihoon has to put in a fair amount of effort not to roll his eyes at him.

“Woojin—”

The buzz of his own phone vibrating in his pocket cuts him off, and he sees the face of the person he’s about to go out with occupy the real estate of his screen when he fishes it out of his pocket. Thinking to make a point to his roommate that tonight is in fact  _ just _ a casual dinner and not in any way the likes of what he is insinuating, Jihoon answers the call and faces Woojin with blunt confidence.

“Hey hyung.”

_ “Jihoon, hey. Umm—listen, about tonight—” _

“Oh, yeah. I’m on my way out now. Are you already he—”

_ “Jihoon-ah, I’m sorry—”  _

His confidence wanes a little, and whatever point he wanted to make in front of his roommate is deftly broken when he feels his face fall at the statement. He knows what comes next.

_ “—something came up and...I can’t make it tonight. And I know I was the one who asked you out but...I really have to take care of some things first. I’m really sorry.” _

“Oh.” There’s a sudden lump in his throat that’s thankfully not as hard to swallow as he thought it would be. Woojin’s eyebrow comes up even higher, if it was even possible. “It’s okay hyung, I understand. Is everything okay though? Can I help with anything?” 

_ “No, no—it’s fine. I mean, I’m fine. It’s nothing too big.” _

But apparently big enough for him to cancel, Jihoon’s mind supplies rather bitterly. He just nods then, humming in understanding.

“Okay. I, umm—I guess I’ll just see you next time then.”

Pathetic. That’s what he sounds like, pathetic. And the worst part of it is he knows Daniel can hear it in his voice too.

_ “I’m really sorry, Jihoon-ah. You know I’d drop this if I could—” _

“It’s okay, hyung. Really. Just...go do your thing. It’s fine.”

There’s a quiet lull on the other end, a momentary pause that feels as if Daniel is actually thinking of reconsidering his words and taking it all back. It’s another fool’s errand for Jihoon to actually believe that he might, when he knows for sure that he won’t.

_ “Okay. I’ll talk to you soon. I’m sorry again Ji—” _

Jihoon hangs up, not wanting to hear another word. It’s slightly bitter and petty on his part but he doesn’t care. Not when he’s already made the effort tonight to dress like he did and fix his face and hair. Not when he’s already gotten himself excited over the fact that this was supposed to have been the first time they went out to have a normal dinner together. Jihoon tells himself that he’d feel bitter like this anyway towards anyone who would cancel on him at the last minute, and definitely  _ not _ because it’s Daniel.

“Hey,” Woojin says, and Jihoon jumps a little when he sees that he’s now standing right next to him. “Everything okay?”

The genuine concern in his best friend's voice is enough to get the same lump from earlier to rise up his throat again, one that he fails to swallow down this time that leaves him no choice but to simply nod. “I guess I won’t be going out anymore. You wanna order take-out?”

Woojin doesn’t answer and instead, just keeps his eyes trained on him; reading him to the point that it’s making him feel like his gaze is boring into the depths of his soul.

“Jihoon, I’m asking this as your best friend so can you please give me an honest answer?” He starts, his voice nothing but dead seriousness. “What’s going on between you and Daniel?”

In his current state of slight emotional distress, the honest answer to that question immediately rises up to the forefront of his mind. The truth of how he and Daniel met up again at the Subway near his office over two months ago which instigated the start of them having frequent lunch breaks together. It brings about the honest fact of why they’re hanging out a lot these days, of how Daniel had volunteered to help him get over his ex after drunkenly breaking down about it when they went drinking at a bar a couple of weeks ago. The honest answers Woojin is looking for—and is sadly never going to get.

“For the hundredth time Woojin, there’s  _ nothing  _ going on.”

“Bull.”

“It’s not my problem if you keep wanting to see something that isn’t there.”

“Oh yeah?” Woojin tips a chin, challenging. “Then how come you look like someone just stabbed you in the chest when all Daniel did was cancel on you?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, sighing out a frustrated breath. “Can’t I be upset that he did? It doesn’t always have to  _ mean  _ something, Woojin. Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

“Because this is Daniel, Jihoon. And I’m not stupid.”

He scoffs, shaking his head in exasperation. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You know very well what I mean,” Woojin says, voice slightly rising. He realizes this a second later as he bites his lips down, and he takes a calming breath and eases off on his next words. “Look, I’m not looking for a fight—”

“Well you could’ve fooled me—”

“Hoon.” Woojin cuts him off, silencing him with a stare. “I’m gonna say it again. The only reason I’m being a Mother Gothel here is because I’m worried about you, okay? This... _ thing  _ you’re getting yourself into—” Woojin gestures wildly. “—it just doesn’t sit well with me.”

“I’m not getting myself into anythi—”

“Alright, alright. You’re not. I get it,” Woojin exhales in frustration, tipping his head to the side in annoyance. “Let’s pretend for a moment that what you’re telling me is actually true—”

“Which it is—!”

“—but do you really think Daniel is the kind of friend you need right now?”

Jihoon’s mouth hangs open, his response dying at the tip of his tongue. The hardness of that last question cuts him short and effectively does the job of stunning him to silence. He has never once asked that to himself, and he only now realizes that it’s because it’s a question he doesn’t want to have an answer to. Spending time with Daniel has, for the most part, been effective at keeping thoughts about another person at bay—so much so that he’s come to crave the company of his hyung even when he knows he shouldn’t. The way he’s reacted just now for having been ditched over their supposed dinner plans says a lot about the role Jihoon has placed Daniel on and Woojin knows it; can see it with complete transparency.

“You see what I mean?” His roommate points out, nodding at his silence. “Hoon-ah, it’s only been a few months since Taehyung—”

It’s Woojin’s turn to cut his words off and shut up, for whatever expression Jihoon has on his face then makes it apparent to his friend that he absolutely does  _ not _ want to discuss the name he just mentioned, no matter the circumstance or implication he’s trying to convey.

“Sorry,” Woojin mutters under his breath, right before he rounds on him again. “But you get my point, don’t you? I’m worried about how you’re handling this, because it looks to me that you’re trying to patch up a wound with a band-aid that you  _ know  _ won’t even stick.”

Jihoon makes a face, eyes averting from his friend. “I know my place, Woojin. You don’t have to remind me.”

“Do you really?” Woojin asks unsarcastically, and Jihoon isn’t looking but he swears he can feel his face being raked by eyes of scrutiny.

“Yes.”

“Are you falling for him?”

The question ultimately freezes his breath in his lungs and every bodily function that has to do with comprehension and speech. He looks up to see the serious set of Woojin’s gaze and the hardness in his jawline; no trace of jokes or sarcasm.

“Of course not,” Jihoon answers when he finally finds his voice, the nuance of how ridiculous he thinks the question is carrying over at full force. To his dismay though, Woojin merely shakes his head.

“You know, you’ve always been a good actor Hoon,” he says, his tone flat and monotonous. “But you never could fool me. It’s one thing to lie to someone else, but doing it to yourself is just plain wrong and you know it.”

Woojin backs away then, and the next second has Jihoon staring at the back of his roommate’s head as he heads back to his room. A door swings open, closes softly and echoes around the hall, vacuuming the space into a silent emptiness where only his breathing is heard. Jihoon can feel something stinging and heavy at the back of his eyes, but he blinks it away and swallows down everything that just occured in the last few minutes down to the deepest parts of his system. He runs a hand through his hair, messing up the locks he’d so painstakingly styled earlier before he too heads back to his room in withdrawal.

He foregoes eating dinner that night, ignoring the sounds and smells that enter through the bottom cracks of his bedroom door when Woojin decides to make some ramen later in the night. He just keeps his eyes closed and waits for sleep to take him, which only happens at the break of dawn.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


It’s a solid three weeks this time. No showups, no lunch dates, no texts, no anything. Thankfully (or not, probably) Jihoon has almost involuntarily drowned himself with work that he doesn’t even notice the absence much the entire time. He can’t really say if it’s a good or a bad thing though, especially when deadlines, all-nighters, and project press-checks take up most of the space in his brain. Daniel being gone for this long has at least given him time to breathe a little from his confusing whirlwind of a social life.

On another plus side, Woojin’s talking to him again. Not that he ever stopped, really, but their conversations on the rare occasions they eat dinner together in their apartment is at least not as awkward as he’d initially dreaded. He almost finds the irony laughable, that his roommate is much more complacent in seeing him grinded and burned out from work than when he’s otherwise dolled up and preparing for a date. 

Jihoon’s constantly tired, sure, and just a little on edge from the four cups of americanos he downs in his throat on a daily basis. But other than that, things have mostly simmered down to normalcy; the kind of mundane that has him leaving his guard down in the most inopportune moments..

In fact, Jihoon can only even begin to swallow a small portion of the amount of surprise he gets on the Thursday night he clocks off at work when he sees a familiar black Hyundai parked just along the curb of his office building. It’s not so much as the car that surprises him, no—but more on the tall person leaning against one of its doors and enthusiastically waving at him. Even from seven feet away, Daniel’s crooked, buck-tooth smile is blinding.

“Niel-hyung?” Jihoon mutters when he walks over and meets Daniel by his car—mostly to himself for reassurance that he isn’t hallucinating from extreme sleep deprivation.

“Hey Hoonie.”

Jihoon greets him back, and maybe a smile automatically comes up to form at his lips when he does but he pays it no mind. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

It’s Daniel’s turn to look a little unguarded, one of his hands flying to the back of his head in a familiar habit of shyness. “I, uhh—wanted to see you,” he says, his smile sheepish and unwavering. “I feel terrible for disappearing for so long, and the last time we met didn’t exactly end on a high note either so…”

“Oh.” Jihoon blinks, his tired mind racking up their last meeting over at that expensive gym’s dance studio. It rattles something in his brain, a memory he had repressed that involves an almost-kiss that he’s quite convinced by now did not actually  _ really _ happen. God, that felt like ages ago. “Umm—that’s, uhh—”

“Dinner, right?” Daniel supplies, and it just occurs to him that he’s actually referring to something else. Nice. “I still feel bad that I bailed on you that night. I meant to fix it sooner but I’ve just been really—”

“Busy?” Jihoon says, and he almost feels slightly guilty that the word came out a little harsher than he intended. Almost.

“Yeah.” Daniel scratches the back of his head again, eyes crinkling in shame. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s no big deal.” And Jihoon means it, really. It’s been so long that it honestly doesn’t matter that much to him anymore. Daniel merely gives him a shy smile.

“Still, I would at least like to make it up to you. If you’ll give me the chance.”

Jihoon internally scolds himself upon hearing that because his chest should absolutely  _ not _ be hosting free somersaults over the very polite offer. 

“Umm...you don’t really have to but, what did you have in mind?”

“Are you free now?” Daniel asks, sounding blaringly hopeful. “I’d like to take you out for dinner, if that’s okay.”

The word ‘dinner’ and the prospect of food gets his stomach churning and letting out an embarrassing sound that’s obviously audible to the other party. Jihoon bites his lips, but before he can wish for the ground to swallow him whole Daniel’s already letting out a string of his familiar staccato laugh and lightening the mood. He finds himself chuckling along, looking abashedly to the ground in slight shame.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Daniel tries hopefully. Jihoon nods and tries to tell himself then that the only reason he feels as excited as he is being right now is because his last meal from today had been breakfast; which was a just piece of toast slathered with coconut jam that’s two months past the best before date.

A sliver of regret and inner dread worms its way to kill a bit of that excitement though the moment he gets into Daniel’s car. It’s hard to miss, especially in an enclosed space such as a vehicle’s small interior; the smell of an unfamiliar perfume lingering in the air and pervading his senses. Jihoon thinks he even makes a face but it’s either Daniel doesn’t notice or he’s pretending not to, which is a win either way.

“Where are we going?” He asks to keep the conversation going, hiding his minute stumble in a pretense of eagerness for food.

“There’s this upscale ramen place that’s really popular these days down at central that I’ve been meaning to try out for a while now,” Daniel says as he moves out of the curb and onto the road. “I’ve already made reservations so...I hope you don’t mind.”

Jihoon scoffs lightheartedly, mostly because he finds it funny that Daniel thinks he’d even mind. “So you were that sure you’d catch me at work and get me to say yes tonight, huh?”

He watches Daniel’s lips press into a shy, tight line in an obvious attempt to hold down a grin. “Well, I knew what time you got off work so…” He shrugs, just as he makes a left turn. “But I may or may not have parked down at your building a good twenty minutes earlier just to be sure.”

Jihoon chuckles, and maybe it’s the hunger pangs but he definitely feels something fluttering down in his stomach when he hears that. “You’re lucky my boss wasn’t around today. Otherwise me clocking out on time would be next to impossible.”

Daniel hums in assent, nodding as he does. They finally hit the main road where the traffic inflates a little, and Daniel takes the chance to turn in his seat a little to look at him when they stop at a red light. Jihoon suddenly feels like a specimen in a microscope.

“You haven’t been eating again,” Daniel says after a few beats; a statement, not a question. Jihoon just smiles a little, knowing without looking that Daniel probably has his eyebrows drawn in disapproval. What he doesn’t expect though is a hand to come up to touch his face, slender fingers grazing the cut and slope of his jaw in a slow, electrifying caress.

“As attractive as you are with a killer jawline, Hoon, I’d much prefer it if you had a bit of fat in you. I can’t even pinch your cheeks anymore.” Daniel continues, and Jihoon must be imagining things because it awfully sounds as if he’s  _ pouting _ .

“Who says I even want my cheeks pinched?” Jihoon plays it off in the only way he knows how and knocks Daniel’s hand away in feigned annoyance. It’s in everyone’s best intention that he keeps his heart rate under control. “I’ve just been busy, hyung. One of the designers from my team quit two weeks ago so I had to catch a bit of the load they left off. I...may have been skipping meals every now and then, but it’s nothing too drastic.”

The light turns green then, and Daniel faces forward again. Jihoon now takes this chance to glance at him to make sure that he is, indeed, pouting.

“I knew leaving you to your own devices wasn’t a good idea,” Daniel says, just slightly berating in his tone. “We never should’ve stopped meeting for lunch if that was a way to make sure you actually ate.”

“Yeah well, whose fault is that?” 

The insinuation instantly makes the air around the car drop a few degrees, and Jihoon internally slaps himself for the way he just sounded. Even worse, he doesn’t even try to fix it or follow the statement up with a sarcastic remark to keep the bitterness from seeping out too much, even when he knows he should as Daniel falls silent beside him.

He’s not being very fair either because he knows for a fact that even if Daniel had gone a bit AWOL on him these past few weeks, he hasn’t exactly been the best at reaching out either. Daniel never texted or called him, but that didn’t mean Jihoon couldn’t be the one to initiate the connection himself. It’s both their’s and no one’s fault at the same time, so he has no right to put the blame solely on one of them—even if he feels bitter about it.

Conversation stops and the cold spell intensifies when both of them remain silent for much the entire ride. And the longer it stretches, the harder Jihoon ends up chiding himself for being so shallow and selfish in his words. The world outside the car's window blaringly blows out of focus when all he can do to distract himself from the suffocating situation is to count the droplets of water that’s starting to patter at the windows in the beginning stages of rain. He’s counted to about ninety-six by the time he feels the car slowing down to a stop and his vision focuses on the parking lot they’re in.

“We’re here,” Daniel says, uncharacteristically dull for someone who wanted to go out and eat here in the first place. Jihoon mentally gives himself a pat on the back for being such a  _ fantastic _ killjoy.

The restaurant is packed, complete with a winding queue right outside the entrance. It’s kind of hard to imagine how in the world Daniel even got reservations for this place, but he tries not to think about it too much when they’re lead into a small booth in the corner of the restaurant. 

“It’s great to see you again Daniel-ssi,” the tall waitress cheerily tells him as they’re seated, menus being passed. “Chef Jaehwan is kind of wrapped up in orders right now, but I’ll let him know you’ve arrived.”

“Ah, thanks Joy. Please, don’t let me keep you.” Daniel smiles politely, gesturing to the busy interior. When the waitress scurries off to attend to another table, Jihoon flips to a few pages of the menu before he gives his companion a curious look.

“I thought you said this is the first time you’re trying out this place?” He says, which only gets him a soft chuckle in return.

“It is.” Daniel nods, grabbing the order sheet on the side of the table and the pencil to mark down their orders. “But I’m friends with most of the people who work here including the owner, and I sometimes visit when I can.”

“But you never eat?”

“I told you, the place is always packed.” He gestures with a tip of his head at all the other people in the room.

“But you got us a reservation tonight,” Jihoon presses, and this time Daniel looks up from his own menu to return his gaze; there’s something warm and full playing around the darks of his eyes.

“I...may have asked in a favor,” is all he says, before going back to picking his food. “Tonight is special.”

Jihon just hums in response, deliberately honing his focus on the pictures of ramen and dumplings in front of him instead of the flips and turns his insides are making. He’s just about recovered from the strange bout when Daniel speaks again.

“Order anything you like, okay? It’s my treat.”

Jihoon looks up, but Daniel’s attention is still on the order list. He’s already starting to tick down a few items. 

“Hyung, you don’t have to—”

“Nope, nuh-uh. I’m making up for last time, remember?” He says, and Jihoon has to repress the urge to wipe the smugness off his face with—with  _ whatever. _

“Fine.” He huffs, folding the menu closed. “I’ll have the pork and kimchi ramen.”

“That’s all?”

Now it’s his turn to be smug, smiling wickedly. “Mhmm.”

Daniel just squints his eyes at him, holding his gaze for a few seconds before he ticks in the order. Judging by the number of times he goes in at the list though, Jihoon can tell he’s ticking in more than what he originally asked for. Instead of stopping him though, his smile just grows.

“Okay, lemme just pass this to the kitchen. I don’t wanna bother Joy too much with all these people getting her busy. I’ll be right back,” Daniel says, sliding out of the booth with their order slip. Now that he’s alone, Jihon gets to thinking about tonight and being here in general. He feels his stomach flip again, over the fact that this thing they're doing right now actually counts as an actual  _ ‘date’ _ —for lack of a better term. Daniel’s not taking him out tonight as his self-proclaimed wingman but as his friend, and they’re here simply because they want to. There are no agendas or missions or whatever in the likes of forgetting a certain someone, and with that in mind, maybe Jihoon can stop being a sulky brat and just enjoy the time he has.

It’s in this state of reconsideration and contemplation that he finds his eyes wandering around the restaurant. He takes a moment to admire the interiors; the classic, cozy, and warm ambience the place exudes that’s perfect for the incoming weather tonight. He’s currently looking at a guitar mounted on one side of the wall when his eyes suddenly take note of the customer situated on the table right below it. He stares for a little while at the guy, watches him run his hand through his hair while he pours over his phone and types away on the screen. There’s something oddly familiar about him, but Jihoon just can’t put his finger on it. Before he can rack his brains further though, Daniel comes back sliding into his seat.

“I got us soju.” He grins, placing the green-tinted bottles and two shot glasses down on their table with a huge grin. Suddenly the space around him turns warm again, and the stranger from across the room is the farthest thing on his mind.

“Hey, uhh...just a little head up,” Daniel starts to say, the curve of his lips coming out shy. “I spoke with the owner just now and he’ll probably come out a little later to come to our table. He says he wants to meet you.”

“Oh.” Jihoon perks up in slight surprise. “Is he the chef?”

“Yeah. Jaehwan.” Daniel nods, taking his reaction as a good sign. “He can be a bit... _ loud, _ sometimes. Especially when he’s excited, so try not to panic when he suddenly douses us with his energy.”

Jihoon chuckles, his hand flying up to his mouth. “Duly noted.”

Daniel then goes on to pour them some drinks, downing one glass himself as he does. Despite the seemingly normal flow that their conversation is going on right now, Jihoon can tell that he’s still a little stiff and just slightly guarded around him. Staying true to his small epiphany from earlier, he reaches his hand out and places it on top of Daniel’s just as he’s putting the bottle of soju down. Jihoon feels him jump a little in surprise.

“Hey, umm—thanks for bringing me here hyung,” he says, his voice coming out small and just slightly winded. “I’m..uhh—sorry if I’ve been a little off lately. It’s just, work has been a little tough on me and—”

The rest of his speech of gratitude and apology instantly dries and evaporates when his eyes suddenly land on the doorway just as it rings open to let in a new customer. He feels his heart rate spike, faster than from any kind of stimuli he can ever hope to inflict upon himself. His blood turns cold, and he can feel his sweat prickling the back of his neck. He’s only vaguely aware of the sudden iron grip he has on Daniel’s hand and only really snaps out of it when he’s pried off of him, gently at least.

“Jihoon? What’s wrong?”

He hears the question but it doesn’t register deep enough for him to formulate a cognitive response, because right now he’s unblinkingly watching the brown-haired customer walk over to the table that’s under the wall-mounted guitar, wave hi to the stranger he’d been eyeing earlier right before he lands a kiss on his cheek and sits down. Jihoon wants to puke, because all of a sudden he remembers where he’s seen that guy before.

Once or twice, maybe three times even—he’s seen that man sitting by the parents’ waiting shed at the kindergarten Taehyung teaches at whenever he came to visit. He had never assumed anything and at best, just thought him to be a parent or a sibling or something. He definitely  _ never _ imagined the guy to even know Taehyung, or be in the level of relationship where they can openly kiss each other’s cheek in a crowded ramen restaurant. 

“There’s my main bro! Ah, and you must be Jihoon! Daniel’s told me a lot abou—”

But Jihoon isn’t paying attention anymore. Not to Daniel who he catches is giving him a horrid look of confusion as he gets up from their booth, not to the apron-clad man who’s come up to their table and walks past on, and not to the tall waitress he stands beside with as she takes the orders of the customer who just came in. All his focus is zoned into the eyes of his ex-boyfriend, who looks up at him with an expression of pure, unadulterated shock.

“Ji-Jihoon?” Taehyung says but whatever else he was planning to say doesn’t come out anymore when the next sound that permeates the sound barrier of the room is in the form of a collective gasp as Jihoon hard slaps his ex straight to the face.

“S-sir—” The waitress panics beside him in an attempt to control the situation, but Jihoon is too far gone to care and just continues boring down on Taehyung.

“You told me you wanted some time alone. You told me you needed to focus on yourself first,” he says through gritted teeth. He hasn’t reached the level of comical desperation to dramatize a scene where he screams at the top of his lungs yet, so he settles with a hard volume that's just good enough for Taehyung and anyone within a foot radius to hear.

“Jihoon, I—”

“I respected that. I respected you  _ and  _ your decision because you made me believe that’s what you needed. I trusted you, right ‘til the very end. And yet—” He glances at his new companion, who just looks on at him with shock and the smallest inkling of familiarity. It’s enough to tell Jihoon the extent of what this person knows about him, and just how long this has been coming. And the only reason he doesn’t punch the guy straight in the face next is because he can feel a strong hand holding his arm back, slowly pulling him away from the scene he’d caused.

“Hoon. C’mon, let’s get you out of here.”

It’s that voice of concern that gets to him, the genuine tone of warmth and comfort that breaks down the final barrier that’s keeping his tears in place. He’ll be  _ damned _ in hell if he so much as allows Taehyung to see him cry again, so he yanks his body away and throws himself out of the restaurant and runs full force out of the door into the cold deluge of the night.

The rain is pouring down now—hard—but Jihoon couldn’t care less even if his entire body is drenched in seconds. He just keeps running, letting his tears mingle with the rain as he chokes sob after sob in panicked, heavy breaths. He hears Daniel screaming from behind him, calling his name but he doesn’t listen. He just keeps running and running until—

His hands break his fall, but he can feel the wet gravel of cement dig into his skin as he grazes himself on the ground. His front of his right ankle hurts from where he’s tripped over something, and he’s sure his knees are probably scraped to the point of bleeding no thanks to his ripped jeans but nothing can compare to the pain he feels inside; the one that’s emanating down in his core, spreading a dark kind of emptiness to every part of his body that makes him want to just skid harder on the ground and make himself bleed more. He feels a pair of hands behind his shoulders two seconds later, coaxing him to get up as whispers of comfort try to penetrate the deafening thuds of his heartbeat echoing in his ears.

“Hoon. Fuck, are you okay? Please get up. C’mon.”

He doesn’t move though, and he just buries his head even lower as he cries it all out. Jihoon has never been the type to wail while he cries—his is the quiet kind, the all-tears and no sound kind of patheticness the chokes up his entire being. 

“Jihoon, please. Let’s get you back to the car,” Daniel tries again, his hold turning to warm rubs on his back. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. But that guy is an idiot, okay? He doesn’t deserve the tears nor the respect and care of someone as amazing as you. You’re so much better and fuck _ ,  _ you  _ deserve  _ so much better. You’re the kindest, most down-to-earth guy I know and—”

“SHUT UP!”

Daniel freezes, his mouth hanging open as Jihoon finally picks himself up and yanks his body as far away as possible from him. Something finally snaps, and whether it’s from the hunger, the sleep deprivation, or all the stress that’s pummeled him at work for the past three weeks—everything just comes crashing down and the final layer of his hold on his emotions breaks and comes out in an unfiltered tide.

“You don’t get to say that, Daniel! You fucking don’t! You  _ of all _ people don’t get to tell me that!” He yells through the haze of tears, his throat scratching from the effort. “Do you think you’re helping? Do you think I like hearing your  _ lies?  _ Well newsflash Daniel, you're just as bad as him!”

The stunned silence and the face Daniel has on should be enough of a deterrent to let him know that he’s already delivered his point across. But Jihoon doesn’t care for it and in fact, just fuels the rage in him more until all the coal turns to dust in a blaze of white-hot anger.

“Why are you even here, huh?! Why are you even helping me? Why did you even walk up to me again when four years ago,  _ you _ were the one who said we stop contacting each other?” It’s all coming out now, rolling off his body in hot flashes as repressed memories from that night in his college dorm come at him in full force. Every word Daniel had told him, every tear he had shed as he tried to cling on to him only to be pushed away and left for nothing.

“Jihoon…”

“Did you know that Taehyung was the  _ fourth _ guy I dated after you? Did you know that every single relationship I’ve ever been in has ended up like this? No one has ever stayed because they all eventually realized what a fucking,  _ broken  _ mess I am. So don’t you dare come and tell me how I deserve so much better when  _ you _ were the one who broke me in the first place!”

He thinks he sees Daniel flinch, but it’s a little hard to discern when rainwater is constantly blurring his vision. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his shirt, rubbing at his eyes roughly with ladened limbs before sobbing out in pathetic defeat.

“It’s been four years, Daniel. I tried  _ so hard _ to pick myself back up and put my life together after you left and it still feels like I’ve done nothing for it.” His voice is starting to crack, but everything else he’s feeling right then is just too strong for him to care. “Do you even know how hard it was for me? To just suddenly spin my whole life around after I’ve dedicated so much of it to you? Do you have any idea how much it took just so I could move on? And now that I finally have, you just come waltzing back like it’s no big deal, asking to reconnect like as if everything we ever went through together never even happened. You're fucking  _ engaged _ for Christ's sake. You’re getting married, and you’re the CEO of your own company. And here I am, still the same old, damaged mess that you left four years ago."

He turns his gaze down, trying to get some semblance of control and hold himself together just as a sob threatens to overtake his body again. He’s exhausted, cold and wet and completely drained.

"You know what?” Jihoon shakes his head, his energy finally waning down and seeping out of his system in cold, gradual waves. "Woojin was right. This has all been a mistake. You're not the person I need in my life. Not now, not ever."

This time he’s sure he sees Daniel flinch, just in time as he reaches out with a hand. "Hoon...I'm sorry—"

"Don't." Jihoon steps back, making it clear that the last thing he wants is to be anywhere near him. "Just...just don't."

He turns to leave, even though he has absolutely no idea where he’s even headed. All he knows is he has to get out of there, and it’s a small mercy when he doesn’t hear footsteps following him when he does. His chest hurts on top of everything, but as it wanes down with the cold rain travelling down his body, he starts to feel the prickle of pain in his joints and palms along with the bruise he’s sure is forming over his right knee. But he still runs, feet squelching and splashing over puddles because that’s all Jihoon can do at this point.

When he finally makes it to the closest thing to he has to salvation, he almost collapses on the spot the moment he enters the threshold of his apartment. He’s cold, shivering, just slightly bleeding, and extremely wasted and drenched. Woojin is standing in the middle of the room, holding a glass of milk in one hand and cup of instant ramen in the other, on his way to the their sofa to eat when he sees him. 

And it’s in that moment when they lock eyes and exchange a wordless look that Jihoon feels the last few pieces of threads holding him together start to unravel. His bottom hits the floor and he falls apart right then and there, breaking down in racking sobs that take away his control on breathing and forming coherent thoughts. Woojin is beside him in an instant, and he sits there cradled in his best friend’s arms for much the entire night as he cries out all the tears his eyes can ever hope to shed.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


Jihoon calls in sick the next day. Or rather, Woojin forcibly takes his phone from him and shoots an email to his boss saying that he’s not coming to work because he’s come down with a cold. Which isn’t inherently untrue, seeing as he  _ did _ catch a cold after the events of last night, but it’s the first time Jihoon’s ever skipped work for a sick day and he can’t help but feel guilty about it.

“You’re  _ paid _ to take care of yourself when you get sick Jihoon. Stop being stubborn,” Woojin had said to him that morning, placing a bowl of creamy chicken soup by his bedside and a roll of tissues for him to use. His best friend also skipped work with the excuse to take care of him, but it’s clear from the get-go that he’s not as bothered about missing a day at the office as he is.

Woojin thankfully doesn’t ask him anything and mostly just leaves him alone for long stretches during the day unless he's bringing him food or something to drink. That being said, he's reminded of one of the things he most appreciates about his best friend because no matter the gravity of this 'I-told-you-so' moment that he's gotten himself into, he doesn't get a single ounce of flack for his shortcomings.

It's further proven when Daniel comes over later in the afternoon. Or, at least Jihoon thinks he did. Woojin was the one who answered the door when the bell rang and he could’ve sworn he felt the entire flat shake a little when the door slammed shortly after it did. And then there's also the fact that Woojin came by his room not much later holding an ice pack over his right knuckle, nursing a bruise that didn’t used to be there.

Overall though, Jihoon mostly spends his entire extended weekend sleeping and recovering; from his cold, the heartache, and pretty much everything else he needs recovering from that by the time Monday rolls in, he’s back to his usual numbness that gets him powered enough for the mundanity and robotic motions of his day.

He had initially planned to block Daniel’s number on his phone, but the moment he reached work and was flooded with all the backlog of tasks he left last week, he honestly forgot and realized only later in the day that it’s completely unnecessary. Daniel hasn’t contacted him, not even once.

It’s good that he hasn’t, and it’s good that he doesn’t even for the next few days. Jihoon doesn’t want to revisit anything for a while and he honestly just wants to get through the latest pitch he has at work and nothing else. Bitterly though—and these kinds of thoughts penetrate his brain specifically at night right before he goes to sleep—he thinks of how easy it must be again for Daniel that he  _ isn’t _ talking to him. He’s done it before anyway, multiple times even. He’s done it during the three weeks before the fiasco at the ramen place, and he sure as hell did it in the last four years when he went up and out of Jihoon’s life in the blink of an eye. It’s nothing new to him, and Daniel is so good at ghosting that it probably doesn’t even mean anything to him anymore.

But as much as Jihoon wants to just leave things the way they are and pretend it all never happened like Daniel seemingly wants, he knows full well that doing so isn’t the right kind of closure he needs for himself to be able to move on. He’s gone though enough heartbreaks by now to know that he’s going to have to sit and talk about this sooner or later, even if the alternative is temptingly strong in this instance.

He ultimately decides to rip the band-aid after three days of building up the courage and sobriety he needs to get to job done. He gets out of work two hours early that day and takes the five-stop bus ride towards one of the taller buildings in the city center. Here he looks horribly out of place, clad in his bright yellow hoodie among throngs of men and women in their suits and blazers.

Jihoon ignores the few weird looks he gets out on the sidewalk as he alights the bus and enters the building with a clear purpose. It only takes him a second to see from the plaque directory which floor he should head to, and he catches the lift at the end of the huge lobby just as it opens. It takes less than a minute for the digital number on the LED screen to hit the number eleven, then a soft ding echoes before he finds himself staring at the familiar, yet foreign, company logo on the floor it stops on.

Konnect Enterprises.

Jihoon takes in a deep, silent breath, before he gives himself one final push and steps out into murky waters.

"Good afternoon sir. Can I help you?" The young man behind the reception desk calls to him when he approaches, bright smile and a wide set of eyes greeting him from his small-featured face.

"Yes. I'm here for Kang Daniel?" Jihoon answers with light politeness, but his eyes are already scrutinizing the building's emergency floor map mounted on one part of the wall behind the receptionist. He figures his destination is probably in the medium-sized room at the corner of the floor, and he takes a mental picture of the trajectory most efficient to take after he marks down his own location. 

"Do you have an appointment?"

“Umm, yes.” Jihoon nods, flashing a small smile.

“May I get your name?” The receptionist asks him then, the telephone already pressed against his ear with a hand hovering on the buttons in wait. Jihoon bites his lips. It’s now or never, he thinks, so in the span of a second he squares his footing and bolts straight out of the lobby and into the main office. 

“Hey! Stop!”

His first thought as he makes a break for it is  _ wow  _ this office is huge. He definitely didn’t take into account the size of the place when he was studying the emergency floor plan but there’s no time dwindle on the mistake now. People are already starting to notice him, peeking up from their desks and cubicles as he rushes past the narrow aisles. He hears footsteps racing to catch up from behind him, along with the gasps of the employees when they start to realize what’s going on. 

“Stop him!!”

Jihoon hears the receptionist yell, but he can already see the placard on the door with the name of the person he’s after. Just a few more steps, his hand closing in on the knob as he crashes inside with a loud bang. 

There are two people inside when he ungracefully barges in the brightly-lit office, and one of them jumps back as Jihoon comes to stand in the center of the room panting for breath. The person looks at him wildly, but Jihoon pays the guy no mind when all his attention is focused on the other man in the room standing behind the large desk. Daniel’s expression is priceless, his eyes blown wide and his mouth hangs open with a face that looks like he’s seen all three of Scrooge’s Christmas ghosts. 

“Sir, please! You can’t come in here!” The receptionist calls from behind him when he’s finally caught up, panting just as hard before grabbing Jihoon’s elbow in a firm grip and turning and bowing to Daniel. “I’m so sorry, hyung. He ran away from me at the lobby and—”

“It’s okay, Jinyoung...he’s a friend” Daniel says, and damn it if Jihoon didn’t feel his veins coil at the sound of his voice. It’s only been a few days for fuck’s sake.

“O-Oh.” That gets him to loosen his grip, stepping back a little from Jihoon. “S-should I, umm—”

“Mister Bong, I’m terribly sorry. But do you mind if we continued our discussion in the conference room?” Daniel asks the man he’d been talking with earlier just before Jihoon interrupted them. He then gestures to his receptionist with a haste nod. “Jinyoung will take you there and will get you everything you need. I’ll be right with you.”

Jihoon stays in place, unmoving and feigning thickness as the other two people in the room shuffle out and close the door behind them. He finally allows himself to breathe a little once he hears the click of the knob, and he faces Daniel again with all the mustered courage he had pooled in his stomach for this moment.

The first thing he notices is the obvious bandage dressing the alar of Daniel's nose. He figures he finally sees the reason for Woojin's bruised fist from that day, but seeing the injury isn't nearly as striking as seeing the rest of him.

Daniel is just staring, guarded and apprehensive as he walks around his desk to stand closer. It just occurs to Jihoon then that the reason why he feels so overwhelmed right now is because he’s never once seen him like this before. Completely bathed in his element, dressed in an immaculate dark suit with a deep, richly-hued tie around his collar while his blonde hair is neat and combed back to accentuate the prominent and strong features of his face. The broken nose doesn't even do much to marr the image and if anything, only adds more to his fierceness. It’s a world of a difference from what he’s used to seeing, when even during their lunch dates he ditches the tie and the blazer and lets his hair fall in a soft fringe. It’s a little disarming, to say the least, to see him like this.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Juice, or…" Daniel starts, gesturing to the mini fridge on the side of the room. Jihoon almost rolls his eyes because  _ of course _ he just has to have a mini fridge.

"I'm okay," he answers flatly, glad that his voice doesn't break on him.

"Do you want to sit down?"

He almost says yes to that, but he digs his nails in his palm to remind himself of what he's here for. "No. I'm okay."

Daniel nods, situating himself in front of his desk so he can lean his body back onto it in. One of his hands fidget the hem of his suit, Jihoon notices, and it's that small detail that serves a dead give away that despite the strong presence of the man before him, he's still the same old Daniel he knows.

"You sure made quite the entrance there." He starts again after a while, going for his usual casualness this time, albeit sounding a little forced.

"Sorry. I, umm—"

"Ah no, it's cool." Daniel assures him, smiling as if he wasn't interrupted earlier and there’s no one waiting for him in some conference room outside his office. “You’re more than welcome to come here anytime. I’m just saying, you could’ve just told Jinyoung back there your name instead of running. I would’ve let you in on a heartbeat, you know.”

Jihoon blinks at him, only vaguely aware that his brows are dipping in a small frown. It’s in that harmless implication, the veiled suggestion in Daniel’s words that ultimately snap him back to his original emotional state of mind. If he had any sort of hesitation before, it all flies out the window now; replaced by hardened conviction and purpose.

“Why?” He blurts out, sounding more like an accusation. Daniel seems taken aback by his response, his hands going still on his sides.

“Sorry?”

“What do you mean by that?” Jihoon continues, fighting to keep his voice even. “Why would you imply that you’d drop everything you’re doing for me?”

Daniel just blinks at him dumbly, completely confused. “Because I would—”

“Why." Jihoon repeats, dropping the rhetoric. "What am I even to you, Daniel?”

He can almost see the gears turning in his head as he comprehends that last question, the process immediately followed by his gaze dropping and his lips coming in to trap themselves between his teeth. The silence stretches, and Daniel never lets out an answer.

"I came here to clear things up between us." Jihoon talks over his silence, taking the reins of the situation. "Not to fix things, but because I don't want this to end like how it did four years ago—with one of us just abandoning and leaving the other person to carry the entire weight of everything.”

Daniel looks up at that, his face falling into a shocked state of frown. "Is...is that how you felt then?” He asks, his tone just slightly bordering on incredulity. “Jihoon, I...it was hard for me too, you know. I didn't leave things that way to be easier for me, but because I thought that would've been the best way to help us get over it."

Jihoon shakes his head, unable to tell if knowing that bit of information makes him feel better or worse. "You didn't have the right to make that decision all on your own,” he says with staggering hardness, driving his point across. “And in any case—it doesn't matter. We're not talking about before. I’m asking you now. Why did you come back?"

Daniel is poised looking as if he wants to argue his side further, but after a few seconds, Jihoon can see him softly nodding to himself in forfeit. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, messing up his combover a little and bringing a few strands of his blonde locks astray. Jihoon just waits patiently, using the pause to try and calm his erratic heartbeat that by the time Daniel speaks again, he's mostly calmed down if only by a notch.

"I didn't actively come looking for you, if that's what you were thinking," he says as his lips stretch into a shy smile. "It was a coincidence. When I saw you on Subway that night, I really did just see you through the window like I said I did."

Daniel looks down at his shoes, scuffing the heels of them on the rug distractedly. "I wasn't really thinking too much at the time, to be honest." He continues, shrugging offhandedly. "Things haven't exactly been... _ great _ , with regards to my current relationship and In fact, I think that night was probably one of the worst. So when I saw you I...I don’t know but I just had this urge to come up and talk to you. And I know how selfish it sounds for me to say this but—" Daniel gulps, slowly raising his eyes to finally meet his. "Talking to you that night helped me. A lot. And I knew I’d only end up regretting it if I didn’t try so...that’s why I asked you out for lunch the next day.”

So that was it then. The sole reason why this whole thing dominoed down to this situation was because Daniel had used him. And maybe that’s a harsh way to put it, but it’s essentially the case no matter which angle they view it from. And the thing is, and Jihoon realizes with startling clarity that it knocks out a bit of breath from him, that  _ he’s  _ no different. He’d been using Daniel too to get over Taehyung, using his presence and his time to cover up the hole in his chest.

“But please don’t get me wrong,” Daniel quickly says in rebuttal, his tone just slightly defensive. “Even if that’s how I felt in the beginning, it doesn’t mean that’s how it all was for me. When we started hanging out more...I just—” Daniel pauses, and Jihoon recognizes his expression well enough to know that he’s looking for the right words to use. 

“It just felt…. _ right,  _ you know?” He continues, and his voice drips with so much sincerity that Jihoon suddenly finds it a little hard to breathe. “And I’m not even talking about or trying to compare it to how things were before because honestly, I never even thought about it. And that’s the thing—I  _ didn’t _ have to think too much about anything because being with you just felt...natural. I don't really know how else to describe it, but I guess a large part of me really missed that—missed  _ you _ ." He bites his lip over that last part, the hesitation and decision of saying it out loud rippling across his features.

He doesn’t have to, Jihoon wants to say, because again he understands it completely. It’s the same for him too: using Daniel as a means to make himself forget about someone and ultimately falling trap to craving his presence in spite of it. He’s missed him just as well as he has, and as much as he wants to avoid thinking about it, he can’t really help but see the pattern here; how he and Daniel have always been this way in whatever circumstance they find themselves in. Two halves of the same whole, fates intertwined and heavily bolted to the core like the long and short hand of a clock—destined to keep meeting and missing each other while running in circles.

“Do you have feelings for me?” Jihoon blurts out without thinking, and the question already hangs heavily in the air between them before he can even think to stop or correct himself. This wasn't part of the script he had in his head when he decided to come here, but he finds that he wants to find out regardless. On the bright side—or probably not, depending on how he looks at it—Daniel seems unfazed by the question altogether.

"Jihoon…"

"Just answer the question," he says, his words coming out clipped and panicked. Daniel just sighs at him, going for a small smile.

"I'm afraid you might punch me if I tell you. My nose already got a beating from Woojin." He points to his face, and Jihoon can tell that it's just him trying to lighten the mood a little, even if it isn't working.

"Daniel," he says, and he hates how it sounds just on the edge of a plea.

The smile falls away from Daniel's face then, and he stares at Jihoon for a long while before he lets out a heavy breath through his nose. His hand flies to the back of his head as he answers in the smallest of voices.

"Let's just say that...these last few months have made me realize that I'm not as completely moved on about things as I thought I was."

The words and their meaning fall over him slowly, like he’s getting doused with ice-cold water in slow motion. His throat chokes up and constricts his breathing while a strong stinging sensation threatens to burst from behind his eyes. For a moment, all he wants to do is turn around and leave as fast as his legs will carry him.

He's suddenly brought back to that moment from a couple of weeks ago, in the dance studio at Daniel's gym. It was there when all his feelings from the past came at him the hardest, when the storm of emotions were simultaneously debilitating and exhilarating in every aspect. He remembers the brush of Daniel’s sweaty skin against his own, the warm touch of his hand over his ankle, and the phantom of a kiss that still haunts him and his lips to this very day. Hearing Daniel admit his feelings now feels a lot like that moment, that it’s as if someone had taken all the intangible elements that made up that incident and hurled it right back at him in a much stronger pitch.

Jihoon closes his eyes for a few seconds, doing his best to uncoil his tight throat and keep the tears at bay. Daniel is as patient as ever, letting him take his time without pushing or pressuring him for anything. The only difference Jihoon sees in him when he finally blinks his eyes open is his posture; the usual confidence he exudes in his broad shoulders is slowly caving in on him in apprehension.

“That night...after I ran from the ramen place,” Jihoon starts, refocusing on the reason why he’s here in the first place. “I wanted to apologize for how I acted...and for what I said.”

“Hoon.” Daniel sighs, his breath heavy and weighted. “You don’t have to. I understand—”

“Just let me say this.” Jihoon forces out, sounding stern and feeling unsure of how long he has before he loses hold on his emotions. “Please.”

Whether it’s the desperation in his tone or the fact that his voice cracked a bit on that last word, Daniel simply nods and quietly goes back to passively staring. It takes a while for Jihoon to find his voice again but when he does, it comes out with a forced kind of confidence that’s weak at the edges.

“I’m sorry...if I made it seem like I blamed you for everything. You were only trying to help, and it wasn’t fair for me to blame you for how things in my life turned out. That’s all on me and...I’m sorry for saying otherwise,” he says, taking small comfort on the fact that Daniel only tips his head in a small gesture of acknowledgement. “I know now that you only meant well, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, really...but we can’t keep doing this. This has to stop.”

Jihoon can see the slightest nudge of his eyebrows as they form a small crease on his features. The most fitting expression to match the reluctant confusion in his voice when he asks, “What do you mean?”

Jihoon just gestures in the air between them, the vaguest and clearest explanation there is. “This. You’re getting married, Daniel. And no matter how good of a job we’re doing at ignoring it, it’s not something that’s just going to  _ magically  _ go away,” Jihoon says rather exasperatedly, sounding tired from it all. It’s an elephant that has constantly followed them since the moment they started seeing each other again, and addressing it now feels like a huge splinter coming right off the surface of their skins.

“I still have a  _ lot _ of things to fix about my life too,” he continues, bringing a hand to his chest. “Things that...I have to work on for myself and  _ by _ myself. I’m not saying that I regret anything of what we did together because I don’t, but...it’s time we stopped distracting ourselves from reality, Daniel.”

He doesn’t get a response right away, just more of the silent gaze that feels like it’s penetrating his soul. Daniel licks his lips and scrunches his face a little, wincing when the movement jostles his nose.

“I understand, but…" A pause, and he's looking for the words again, hesitant. "Why does it sound like you're trying to detach yourself? Can’t we still be a part of each other’s lives? We were best friends once so maybe….maybe we can be that again,” he says, and Jihoon thinks that whoever said words can’t hurt must’ve been a chronic liar.

“If the last few months taught us anything, it’s clear that neither of us are capable of being  _ just friends _ , Daniel,” Jihoon answers, shaking his head in dismay. “I guess you were right in leaving the way you did four years ago after all. Things are just...better that way.”

It’s obvious in his body language that Daniel doesn’t agree to the statement, but whatever fight or qualm he has on the issue doesn’t get vocalized any further. The points are clear here, and Daniel is smart enough to know that Jihoon is right, even if he doesn’t want him to be.

“So this is goodbye?” Daniel asks, the barest of whispers. Jihoon can only nod and wish that he didn't have to see the way Daniel's face fights off the contortion of pain when he does.

“Can I ask you something then? Before you go."

Jihoon blinks in mild confusion. He can’t tell where this is going, and he doesn’t really have the emotional capacity nor the energy to analyze and think of a probability. So again, he just nods.

“If things were different,” Daniel starts, his voice surprisingly calm with stray conviction; an ember in a dying flame. “Like—if things weren't the way they are right now...would you still give us a chance?”

An automatic answer that makes him feel pathetic and weak immediately shoots up to the tip of his tongue after the question fully sinks in. Jihoon almost says it, almost says yes but he manages to bite it down. Instead he weighs the implication of what Daniel means by this, turns his words in a different light and settles on something that he feels is more honest than an immediate affirmation.

"That depends," he starts to say, glad that he can at least muster enough strength in him for a small smile. "Saying 'if things were different' is kind of a vague point. Because the way I see it—if things weren't the way they are right now—" He shrugs, matching the casualness of his tone, "—I don't see myself being in a position to give us another chance in the first place."

It's the right answer, he thinks quite proudly, when he sees a smile tugging on the corner of Daniel's lips. His moment of pride is cut short though when a hand then comes forward and reaches out to him, and Jihoon almost chuckles at the weird formality. He takes it anyway, but as soon as his hand comes to shake Daniel's, he's abruptly pulled in from his spot and into big warm arms. 

He loses the battle with himself in an instant and a stray tear manages to escape from his eye, slowly travelling down the expanse of his cheek and coming to land on the shoulder of Daniel's blazer. He tries to keep himself from releasing any of the choked sounds bubbling up his throat, but when he comforts himself with the thought that no one can see him anyway from his position, he lets a few more tears out as he wraps his arms around Daniel's back.

They don't exchange any more words at this point and when they finally pull away from each other, Jihoon catches a glimpse of Daniel's own reddened eyes. He takes a step back, heading to the door wordlessly when it seems that everything's been done and said.

"Take care of yourself," Daniel croaks out just as his hand closes in on the door knob. Jihoon turns to look back and throws him a small smile. He doesn't trust that he can even say anything without breaking into a sob midway so he just nods, turns back around and steps out of the office.

Jihoon ignores the weird looks he gets from Daniel's employees and just walks straight back to the lift lobby. He throws a small, apologetic smile to the receptionist from earlier, and he doesn't look back when the elevator comes for him and closes its doors.

He welcomes the fresh air when he finally steps out to the sidewalk, back in the busy afternoon street of downtown. The first breath he takes fills his lungs in relief as the events that just occured slowly sink into him completely. He still has a lot of tears to cry, but that can wait when he's back in the privacy of his apartment. For now though, he holds on to the hopeful bliss that surges along with the sting in his chest.

For the first time ever, he's said goodbye and let go of someone on his terms. It's still painful, that much is sure, but maybe now he can finally work on building himself around this pain and not away from it.

Yeah, maybe this time he’ll be okay.

  
  
  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  
  


The next time Jihoon sees Daniel is roughly a year and a half-later, and in the most unexpected way he can ever imagine it to be. He stands there waiting in line at the counter of a Starbucks Reserve to order his coffee when his eyes stray over to one of the magazine racks displayed on the side of the cafe. On the cover of this month's issue of a Men’s Health magazine is Daniel, brunette now and shirtless for all the world to see while he sports his usual, goofball smile. It surprises him to be honest, so much that any other feeling doesn’t penetrate besides the ulterior shock for him to even think about anything else. In fact, he’s so surprised that the barista in front of him has to call his attention a good three times in order to get his eyes off the damn cover.

“Sir? Your order please?”

“Oh, uhh—sorry. An iced americano please.” He pulls out his card and pays for it rather haphazardly, hiding his embarrassment through the task.

He steers clear of the comfortable easy chairs and heads for a table by the large floor-to-ceiling windows when he gets his drink, taking a huge sip of the dark liquid before breathing out a nervous breath to try and relax himself. He pulls out his phone from his bag, checking the time and reading one unread message from Woojin saying ‘You got this!’ along with a string of what he thinks is a stream of supportive and encouraging emojis. In what world does an eggplant emoji belong in that category though, he has no idea.

He taps his foot and takes a few more sips of his coffee as he waits, doing his best to keep his eyes from lingering back to the magazine rack because he absolutely  _ does not _ need to be distracted by Daniel’s six-pack right now.

It’s roughly ten minutes later when the glass doors of the cafe open to let in a young-looking man who doesn’t nearly seem as intimidating as Jihoon thought him to be. Dressed in a simple suit and with his brown hair falling free and fluffy over his head, it’s far from the professional image Jihoon has seen of him in photographic form on his company website. 

The man spots Jihoon easily and with it comes a blinding smile and a polite wave that again, contrast starkly to the persona he has of him in his head. His strides are long and powerful though, which is about the only element in his entire visual that says this man is the boss of his own company.

“Park Jihoon! It’s nice to finally meet you,” the man says warmly after he makes his way over to his small table, extending a hand that Jihoon gladly shakes as he gets up from his seat.

“Jung Hoseok-ssi.” He tips his body in a small bow. “The pleasure is all mine.”

“I hope you didn’t wait long. Sorry about the less than conventional scene. If the office isn’t currently undergoing renovations we’d be meeting in a more comfortable space,” Hoseok says when they both take their seats, the tone of his apology is nothing but sincere.

“Ah, it’s no problem at all Hoseok-ssi. Would you like to order a drink first?”

“Oh that won’t be necessary. I don’t think we’ll be here very long.” Hoseok smiles, but the statement does nothing but put a seed of anxiety in Jihoon’s stomach.  _ What the hell _ does that even mean??

“Umm...right. I uhh, brought my laptop with me to show you my portfolio,” Jihoon says awkwardly, bending down to get his bag and bring his laptop out. He’s caught off guard with surprise again when all Hoseok does is wave his hands in front of him and instead brings his out his huge-ass, expensive looking Galaxy Fold phone. Jihoon almost pees himself.

“With all due respect, I think I’ve looked at your portfolio one too many times already Jihoon-ssi.” Hoseok admits with a light laugh while he taps away at his phone to bring out his résumé. “I don’t really wanna drag too much of your time to talk about your past projects, so do you mind if I just ask you a few questions? And I promise I won’t ask you the stupid ‘tell me about yourself’ speeches.”

What ends up coming out of Jihoon’s mouth then is a cross between a laugh and a whimper that sounds a lot like a duck choking on a piece of bread. He nods rather eagerly to hopefully hide his stumble; Hoseok’s smile never wavers.

“So your work kinda speaks for itself, and I'm well aware of your talent. I’m honestly just curious,” he starts to say, scrolling down to the employment background on his résumé. “You quit your job at that events company almost a year ago right? What have you been doing since then?”

Jihoon nods, clearing his throat and making sure puke doesn’t come out when he starts speaking. “I’ve mostly been doing freelance work. And umm, I know that doesn’t sound much but I like to believe I had a good pool of projects that kept me busy the entire time.”

“Oh, of course. I don’t doubt that at all,” Hoseok says, nodding in interest. “But why are you suddenly jumping back to work for a company? Judging from your repertoire, you seem to already have a stable clientele by yourself.”

Jihoon scratches at his wrist from under the table, a sheepish smile worming its way up his face. “Honestly, I’m just really tired of working at home and at coffee shops all day. Not that I’ve been slacking or not giving my projects a hundred-percent, but I kind of miss the office environment and being with other people in general. I feel like I’d be much more productive that way.”

Hoseok takes this in with an unreadable expression and continues to nod at him earnestly. Jihoon can’t really tell if he’s giving the correct answers or not so he’s still feeling a lot of the jitters even as Hoseok starts to lean back with a pleased look on his face.

“Okay. I really just wanted to make sure that this is what you wanted,” he says, and if it were even possible, his smile just grows. “I’d hate to hire someone if they’re not really into the jib they're getting into, you know? So I’m glad to know that you are.”

Jihoon blinks, not sure if he heard right. “Umm, sorry?”

But Hoseok just grins now, folding his phone in half with a satisfied snap. “You’re hired, Jihoon-ssi. Welcome aboard.”

Another choked sound escapes his lips again and this time his hand flies up to cover his mouth in a harried stumble. He can’t stop smiling, and he’s positive this is purely because Hoseok’s is just so contagious. 

“T-thank you Hoseok-ssi!” He bows, almost hitting his forehead on the table in the process.”

“You can just call me hyung from now on.” Hoseok winks at him, a light chuckle warming the atmosphere even further. “I’m really looking forward to working with you Jihoon-ah. So I guess I’ll see you on Monday?”

Jihoon nods, following Hoseok’s motion as he starts to get up and leave. He may or may not have hit his knee but that’s okay. He’s  _ hired.  _ By one of the most well-known design agencies, no less. This time he’s sure he feels a little bit of pee trickle out of him.

When Hoseok makes his leave with an apology that he still has a tonne of boring work meetings to attend, Jihoon sits back down on his table and lets himself recover from the euphoria as it passes around his veins in large waves. He takes out his phone and shoots a quick text to Woojin; ‘I got it!’ he says, just right after a long string of eggplant emojis.

He’s in the process of taking a sip of his coffee in a silent celebration when his eyes distractedly land on the magazine rack again. And maybe it’s the bliss controlling his actions but he doesn’t at all give it a second thought when he pulls up the browser on his phone and hits ‘Kang Daniel Men’s Health’ on the search bar.

He’s first greeted with a few photos on the image recommendations that are all of Daniel in various poses and settings—both with and without a shirt on. Jihoon skips that and scrolls down on the magazine’s website that features a snippet of some sort of interview with the successful businessman. He skips that too, because the next hit on the search page is a thumbnail of a video on Youtube of what’s probably a shorter version of the interview that’s published.

Jihoon pulls out one ear of his Airpods and taps on the video, watching the intro frame pass until his screen turns into the smiling face of Daniel. He’s in their studio, sitting on a couch candidly as short interview questions appear as captions on one side of the screen for him to answer. Jihoon doesn’t really pay attention that much, especially when Daniel first speaks and introduces himself to the camera a few seconds into the video. It’s a little jolting, hearing his voice again after so long, but he’s glad this is a one-sided sort of meeting so he doesn’t have to hold back too much on the dopey smile he feels forming on his face.

_ “I mostly watch movies in my free time. I love movies. If I’m not watching a film then I’m most probably playing and taking care of my cats, if not both.” _

That catches Jihoon’s attention, rewinding the video back a bit to catch the question of what he does when he isn’t working. He listens on as Daniel names the three cats he’s adopted at home and chuckles when he playfully says he plans to adopt more. It brings an even larger smile up Jihoon's face then, hearing the familiar names of Peter, Rooney, and Jang-ah.

The interview gets much more personal, however, that it catches Jihoon a little off-guard and has him rethinking about the purpose of him being the frontrunner of this month’s Men’s Health issue. He’s has to pause the video even, if only to make sure he’s reading the next question right— _ has anyone ever caught the heart of the number one bachelor? _

Jihoon cranks up the volume a notch as he listens to Daniel laugh some more after reading the question. He does that thing when he turns shy and scratches the back of his neck, eyes looking far off before facing the camera again to answer.

_ “Some people may not know this about me, but I was actually engaged once. It's been quite a while now, but things happened and plans changed. Some stuff didn’t work out so...yeah.” _

The way Daniel laughs so casually about it is so lighthearted that it tells Jihoon all he needs to know about how hard it must’ve been that things didn’t work out like he said. This is news to him, but it doesn’t nearly surprise him as much as the answer he gives for the next question.

_ “Am I looking to date anyone? Umm, yes and no. I guess I’m not really opposed to the idea of maybe meeting someone but to be honest, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now either. And I know how much that paints me as a workaholic—no, no—it’s just, uhh...I kinda want to do good for myself first. That way I can be the best version of myself as I can possibly be for the next person who comes along.” _

The video just continues with more of Daniel’s behind the scene moments from the photoshoot along with a few more get-to-know questions that don't really keep Jihoon’s attention any more than necessary. He closes the video, takes a peek at the magazine cover again to see that one of the headlines does actually say ‘The Hottest Bachelor in Seoul.’

Jihoon finally closes his phone and takes a sip of his coffee when he—for the first time in a very long time—opens the locked doors in his mind to let himself think about Daniel again. It’s been what, more than a year? He honestly doesn’t know because he’d finally reached the point for himself where he doesn’t feel the need to count anymore. Sure, letting Daniel go and cutting him out of his life wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but does he regret it? You’d have to take away all the chicken in the world first before he’d even think about saying no. 

Jihoon loves Daniel. He loved him all those years ago as his senior in university turned best friend then boyfriend. He loved him when he came back to his life a second time around after leaving him broken from the first, and he still loves him even if he hasn’t seen or spoken to the guy for more than a year. There’s no denying that the love he felt hurt him at times and made him want to rip his heart out from the pain alone, but he also can’t ignore that the same love has also given him all the reasons and more to live.

The fact of the matter is, Jihoon doesn’t think he will ever stop loving Daniel even if he tried. Because if the years with and without him have ever taught him anything, it’s that the love he keeps in his heart is always both constant and changing. Constant, in that he’s sure it will never truly go away for as long as he lives, and changing in that he always feels a different form of it whenever it presents itself.

Take now, for example. Despite everything that they’ve both been through, knowing that Daniel is in a much better place than he was when they were last together just brings him pure and genuine happiness. He’s glad to know that Daniel’s doing okay, even more glad that he’s managed to get through the hard choices he had to make to get to where he is now. It hurts a little, he has to admit, to think about Daniel preparing himself for the next big love of his life. But the small pain of it doesn’t stop Jihoon in wishing that he actually finds someone who can finally stick with him this time.

Jihoon misses him a lot. but he’s in a happier place himself now too. And maybe—just maybe—Daniel is also out there wishing the same for him, in the same way that his love always stays but is never the same.

Jihoon sips the last of his coffee then, starts packing up his bags as he reads Woojin’s message that they go out for dinner tonight to celebrate the good news. Jihoon feels he’s carrying a lot more than just good news right now, so it’s with a huge smile that he replies to Woojin that he’s buying tonight. 

He’s just about to get up from his table when the airpod in his ear suddenly plays Daniel’s video again, which causes him to freeze a little in surprise and confusion. For one, he’s looking at his phone right now and he’s positive that the browser is closed and is not playing anything in the background. His airpods aren’t even connected to his phone anymore, so how in the world did he just—?

“So that’ll be one large iced americano. May I get your name, sir?” Jihoon hears the barista over at the counter ask the customer she’s serving, whose back is currently at the focus of his wild stare

“Oh, it’s Daniel.”

For a moment he thinks he’s hallucinating again, drawn from the extreme bliss he feels for getting hired at Hoseok’s firm and the more recent feelings of elation he feels for Daniel’s happiness. But he’s sure he’s been sleeping and eating right lately, and the coffee he just had a while ago is the first and only cup he’s taken all day. It’s just not possible.

As sure as he is though that this is all some trick his brain is cooking, Jihoon absolutely loses it when the person he’s staring at finally finishes his order at the counter and turns around; meeting his eyes in the process. He doesn’t look away though, not when their little staring match lasts a full minute, not when the barista at the counter notices and starts giving them weird looks, and not when Daniel risks a small smile to throw over his way. It’s a little disarming, and Jihoon’s still not convinced that this is real. So he does the only logical thing to do in the situation to prove himself right.

He smiles back and walks over. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've gotten this far, thank you from the very bottom of my dark, unfed heart. I almost didn't finish writing this but things happen, encouragements were made, and here we are :)
> 
> @eightleggedfox


End file.
